Home > Work > I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter
1 " Why aren't you ever happy? I try to do something nice, and this is how you act? Dios mío, who would have guessed I would have such an ungrateful daughter?" Amá is highly skilled in the art of guilt trips. She could win a gold medal. "
― Erika L. Sánchez , I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter
2 " It’s not proper, Julia. Why can’t you understand that? I’m not going to buy it.” “So you will only buy me a dress that you like even if I hate it?” I should’ve known shopping with Amá would be a mistake. “Yes, that’s right.” “I can’t believe this. Why do you always do this? Why can’t I wear what I want? It’s not like I’m wearing a pair of Daisy Dukes and a see-through tube top.” “Remember, you’re not the boss here. Why are you always making everything so difficult? Why aren’t you ever happy? I try to do something nice, and this is how you act? Dios mío, who would have guessed I would have such an ungrateful daughter?” Amá is highly skilled in the art of guilt trips. She could win a gold medal. "
3 " I love art almost as much as I love books. It’s hard to explain the way I feel when I see a beautiful painting. It’s a combination of scared, happy, excited, and sad all at once, like a soft light that glows in my chest and stomach for a few seconds. Sometimes it takes my breath away, which I didn’t know was a real thing until I stood in front of this painting. I used to think it was just some saying in pop songs about stupid people in love. I had a similar feeling when I read an Emily Dickinson poem. I was too excited and threw my book across the room. It was so good that it made me angry. People would think I'm nuts if I try to explain it to them, so I don't. "
4 " You know, I just... I just feel like it's unfair, that my whole life is unfair, like I was born into the wrong place and family. I never belong anywhere. My parents don't understand anything about me. And my sister is gone. Sometimes I watch those stupid TV shows, you know? The ones where mothers and daughters talk about feelings and fathers take their kids to play baseball or get ice cream or some shit like that, and I wish it were me. It's so stupid, I know, to want your life to be a sitcom. "
5 " I smile and say, thank you,' because the rudest thing you can do to a Mexican lady is refuse her food—might as well spit on a picture of La Virgen de Guadalupe or turn the TV off during Sábado Gigante. "
6 " I don’t know why I’ve always been like this, why the smallest things make me ache inside. There’s a poem I read once, titled “The World Is Too Much with Us,” and I guess that is the best way to describe the feeling—the world is too much with me. "
7 " How do we tie our shoes, brush our hair, drink coffee, wash the dishes, and go to sleep, pretending everything is fine? How do we laugh and feel happiness despite the buried things growing inside? How can we do that day after day? "
8 " It’s easier to be pissed, though. If I stop being angry, I’m afraid I’ll fall apart until I’m just a warm mound of flesh on the floor. "
9 " Happiness is a dandelion wisp floating through the air that I can’t catch. No matter how hard I try, no matter how fast I run, I just can’t reach it. Even when I think I grasp it, I open my hand and it’s empty. "
10 " Be careful. Please. The border…The fucking border.” I feel a wildness spreading through me. “It’s nothing but a giant wound, a big gash between the two countries. Why does it have to be like that? I don’t understand. It’s just some random, stupid line. How can anyone tell people where they can and can’t go? "
11 " I’d rather live in the streets than be a submissive Mexican wife who spends all day cooking and cleaning. "
12 " I was too excited and threw my book across the room. It was so good that it made me angry. People would think I’m nuts if I try to explain it to them, so I don’t. "
13 " I don’t know why it surprises me that the world doesn’t stop just because I’m gone. "
14 " Can I miss people I’ve never met? Because I think I do. "
15 " It’s his dream to live in the U.S., but I almost wish he won’t. Even if he makes it alive, this place is not the promised land for everyone. "
16 " I don’t understand why everyone just complains about who I am. What am I supposed to do? Say I’m sorry? I’m sorry I can’t be normal? I’m sorry I’m such a bad daughter? I’m sorry I hate the life that I have to live? "
17 " In some ways, I think that part of what of what I'm trying to accomplish, whether Amá really understands it or not, is to live for her Apá, and Olga. It's not that I'm living life for them, exactly, but I have so many choices they've never had. And I feel like I can do so much with what I've been given. What a waste their journey would be if I just settled for a dull mediocre life. "
18 " I love the smell of old bookstores—paper, knowledge, and probably mildew. "
19 " As much as I get sick of eating Mexican food every single day of my life, if heaven existed, I know it would smell like fried tortillas. "
20 " There is no heaven. There is only earth, sky, and the transfer of energy. The idea would almost be beautiful if it weren't such a nightmare. "
