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The Last Days of Judas Iscariot QUOTES

The Last Days of Judas Iscariot QUOTES

21 " JUDGE LITTLEFIELD (re: the writ): Cunningham, I do not like it when lawyers go over my head. CUNNINGHAM: You gave me no choice. EL-FAYOUMY: Objection, Your Honor!!! As human beings, we always have choice! Motion to strike! JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: Mr. El-Fajita, you are aware that the trial hasn’t actually begun yet, right? "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

22 " But even more than Tapioca, Cunningham, I dislike the following: Defense Attorneys as a rule, half-breeds in general, and Judas Iscariot as anything other than a cautionary tale. "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

23 " MARY MAGDALENE: My name is Mary of Magdala. I was a disciple of Jesus, I was present at the crucifixion, and I was the first person He appeared to after the resurrection.
SAINT MONICA: Bitch got clout!
MARY MAGDALENE: I was one of the founders of the Christian faith, and I was known for my ability, in times of difficulty, to be able to turn the hearts of the Apostles towards the Good.
SAINT MONICA: The good!
MARY MAGDALENE: Some people think I was a whore.
SAINT MONICA: Misogynistic bitches!
MARY MAGDALENE: Other people think Jesus was my husband.
SAINT MONICA: Femin-o-tic bitches!
MARY MAGDALENE: I was not a whore.
SAINT MONICA: "Pimps up, Hos Down!"
MARY MAGDALENE: I was an unmarried woman in a town of ill repute.
SAINT MONICA: Ill repute!
MARY MAGDALENE: And also, I was not the wife of Jesus either.
SAINT MONICA: Still love ya!
MARY MAGDALENE: But, I am pretty sure that I was his best friend. We shared an intimacy that I cannot put into words except to say we saw into each other's hearts and were in love with what we found..... "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

24 " CUNNINGHAM: Your Honor, this petition is signed by God! JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: Yeah, but it ain’t signed by your client, now, is it? CUNNINGHAM: My client is catatonic, he’s incapable of signing. JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: If he’s catatonic, then how do you know he wants an appeal in the first place? "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

25 " Oh, just some crap about the essential paradox of man: How we refuse to juxtapose the absolute to the relative, and some other some-such about paradox as an ontological definition which expresses the relation between an existing cognitive spirit and eternal truth—You know, bullshit. "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

26 " I do know that I am in continuous need of the Spiritual and that I usually go to great lengths to avoid it. "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

27 " Thomas Merton said, “To be a saint means to be myself. "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

28 " What is it that we need to overcome in order to truly be “Ourselves”? "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

29 " GLORIA: Between Heaven and Hell—there is another place. This place: Hope. Hope—is located right over here in downtown Purgatory. "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

30 " At night, I fly down to Earth, and I watch my littlest Babyboy sleep. He’s seven, and he’s got a picture of me on his wall—right in between Shaquille O’Neal and the Incredible Hulk. "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

31 " In biblical times, Hope was an Oasis in the Desert. In medieval days, a shack free of Plague. Today, Hope is no longer a place for contemplation—litigation being the preferred new order of the day. "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

32 " JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: What’s your name, Bailiff?! BAILIFF: Julius of Outer Mongolia. "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

33 " EL-FAYOUMY: May I approach you? JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: The bench, not me! "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

34 " EL-FAYOUMY: Do not bait this great man, lady! He presided over the appeal of Attila the Hun when you were nothing more than a cheap shot of whiskey on your great-great-grandfather’s first unpaid bar tab! JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: Well said! "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

35 " BAILIFF (cautiously): Sir, his name’s El-Fayoumy. JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: What? BAILIFF: You called him El-Fajita. JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: Just gimme my glasses! BAILIFF: You’re wearing them, sir. "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

36 " JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: Your client is Judas Iscariot! Your client sold out the son of God, for Chrissakes! "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

37 " CUNNINGHAM:—Your Honor, I cite the Beatitudes, and Kierkegaard. I cite Christ on the Cross! JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: I cite my foot in your ass, Cunningham! "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

38 " The synthesis of Love and Justice can produce only Mercy and Forgiveness, Your Honor! If a just God sits in Heaven, it can fall no other way! "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

39 " CUNNINGHAM: Your Honor, Defense reconjures Satan to the stand. JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: Lou, you can come in now … Bailiff! Go fetch him! Go fetch Satan! BAILIFF: Alone? JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: Go! "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot

40 " SAINT PETER: I hated your ass to look at it. SAINT MATTHEW: And I looked at you, Peter, as a dumb, ignorant fisherman. "

― Stephen Adly Guirgis , The Last Days of Judas Iscariot