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61 " Boring AngelNow I know the trick is fantasyI always knew itBut I didn't know the problem of bodiesOr I didn't know it entirelyHow you must abandon the bones of the realNo angel wings projected on the ribcageI had bloodstained sheets and I could not let goI noosed myself on them in the woodsAnd hung there for eighteen daysUntil I myself became an angelNow I make love with no bodyI do it with my halo chantingSet me alive and fuckingA boy attached to no realityHe who needs no milk or punishingHe who will never abandonHow I love my celestial beingHe who will never corpseWe are only air my seraphboy and meFucking with no eyes and flying "
― Melissa Broder , Last Sext
62 " Mostly I am full of namesDemetrius and Christopher and Daniel and JohnCemeteries built around those lettersI dig the dead boys up and try to dance "
63 " I am ribbing up the windows of the realI am never getting over my mind "
64 " And cruel are the angels who have rescued meOnly to never get inside meAnd cruel is the grace that always lived inside me too quietly "
65 " Dust MoanA love that should not exist on earthI am in the wrong love or on the wrong planetI am already heaven or maybe illusionCan people tell how mirage I am?How is love supposed to look and feel?I half-ask god but am scared to hearHide the seams of prism children I amSo I do not have to kill them all "
66 " Cruel eye that brought me to ruin "
67 " My mindfriends wentThey offed themselves "
68 " Cruel beautiful humans who made the silence seem so empty "
69 " I Love WrongI am a monster with zeros in his gutWho wants a doll made of fleshTo hold between two clawsAnd stroke its body, become a vowA vow to the flesh of the dollNever to myself or godOr monster mother watching overHow easy making vows to a dollSo easy to see it as holyThrough my sad monster eyesThat no one likes the look ofI have always wanted something holyTo vanish the buzz in my foreheadMy skull has silence but never enoughThe world has never providedI project a spirit in the dollIt speaks a great silenceIt speaks my childhood dreamsI write them for its tongueI write myself a new endWhere I am buried by the dollAnd candles lit around my graveAs though I had actually lived "
70 " So I have had to kill the mystery "
71 " And everything becomes a stairway to a hospital "
72 " Where inside it was summerAnd all day long I beg to be let back in "
73 " Then my bones will turn to silence I can't wait "
74 " Until I go mistaking pleasure for joyAnd forget the husk completely "
75 " How bad am I doctor?Very fatal, getting final "
76 " And dark is the dark of having to be a body "
77 " LitterMy feelings were dogsWith no master left to tend themBut the dogs stayed aliveAnd discovered they could feed themselvesAnd I must really love my dogsOr else I would have stabbed themSo as never to mistake againA deadbolt for an openingBecause I am a dead girlAnd I want to be aliveThough the things that look like life to meAre somehow a killingBut one day I may get a deathThe coming of a kindThat seeks no other death to loveAnd I'm so scared of choking "
78 " The sunlight laughing in my face because it knows "
79 " Instant RainFall in all the wells at the same timeYes I think I am having a human experienceI died in the mindI died todayThe blue sun in the blue sky like my faceMy face could never hide anythingI went under my face and found curtainsI played a girl "
80 " And everything goes tone-deaf when it is bornDeaf to the howls of the other sideBlind to the sane of the dead and dying "