Home > Work > More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory
21 " What boundaries can you set to protect your actual needs? How important is your own autonomy? Are you communicating your boundaries and needs? "
― Franklin Veaux , More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory
22 " The most immediate is that if you tell your partner "It's okay to ask for anything you want," it better be true. If you're not prepared to make it safe for your partner to open up to you, he won't. Because he'll feel he can't. "
23 " Adopt a fluid idea about the way your life will look, keep in touch with your changing needs and those of your partners, talk to your partners about these things openly and without fear, and you can build relationships that grow as you grow. "
24 " Forget trying to figure out the right rules that will keep you safe forever; there is no safe forever. Instead, go into the world seeking to treat others with compassion whenever you touch them. Try to leave people better than when you found them. Communicate your needs. Understand and advocate for your boundaries. And look for other people who will do the same. Trust them when they say they love you; where communication and compassion exist, you don't need rules to keep you safe. We don't learn how to be compassionate by disenfranchising other people; we learn how to be compassionate by practicing compassion. Limited-duration "
25 " Your partner is a person, and people can't be stolen. If some new shiny tries to "steal" him, he has to consent to being stolen. Veto or no veto, if he wants to stay with you, he will. So "
26 " This means full opportunity to voice needs, negotiate agreements and advocate for building the kind of relationship you want. Because different people want different things, empowerment is more useful than sameness as a relationship principle. "
27 " Relationships—like living things, but unlike buildings—grow, change, and go through cycles. Some offer fruit and others flowers, and there might even be times when it seems like they're providing nothing at all. They have seasons, and they can die. "
28 " In what ways am I empowered in my relationships? What things help me to feel empowered? "
29 " We don't look inward so that we can pass judgment on all our flaws. We do it so we can be aware of how our behavior is aligning with our values, what effect we're having on other people, how we may be sabotaging ourselves and our relationships. "
30 " The only way to maintain good mental boundaries, to counteract social rejection and to assess when to disengage is to have self-knowledge and self-confidence and to engage in self-compassion and self-care. "
31 " The agreements that work most consistently are those that are rooted in compassion, encourage mutual respect and empowerment, leave it to our partners' judgment how to implement them, and have input from—and apply equally to—everyone affected by them. T "
32 " He loved her, of course, but better than that, he chose her, day after day. Choice: that was the thing. SHERMAN ALEXIE "
33 " That's the funny thing about fear of change. Sometimes the more rigid we are when we insist that we do not want our lives to change, the more catastrophically things break when change comes along. "
34 " Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time. maya angelou "
35 " Change is the one eternal of life. What I have now I will cherish, and what we build tomorrow I will cherish, without fear. "
36 " When we make ourselves vulnerable to others, we do more than show them how we value their friendship. We show that we trust them and are willing to be seen by them. We choose to let them show us the best of themselves. "
37 " Anyone should be able to reopen discussions about an agreement at any time. It helps to think of agreements as mutable, organic things that will be revisited and modified as people grow and relationships change. When we see these structures as static, they can make relationships less rather than more stable, because they will fail to adapt to change...sometimes spectaculary.A good relationship is not something you have, it's something you do. Over and over, the best, happiest relationships we have seen and been involved in are those whose members are constantly willing to renegociate the goundwork beneath them. In fact, some people set periodic dates in their calendar when they will review their relationship agreements with each other to make sure they're still working and see if anything needs to change. "
38 " Practicing security means continually turning toward the best version of yourself. Each belief about yourself that you choose to hold onto, in each moment, is a step toward or away from the person you want to be. As Canadian entrepreneur Lynn Robinson says, "Our beliefs about ourselves are all made up. So it's a good idea to make up some good ones. "
39 " We can easily be hurt and broken, and it is good to remember that we can just as easily be the ones who have done the hurting and the breaking. desmond tutu "
40 " Advocating for what you want when you're being pulled in different directions is a powerful tool to help resolve conflict, contrary to what you might imagine. "