Home > Work > Lingus
1 " So, what you're trying to say is you wouldn't let him fertilize your flower?" Nikki snorted. Zoey made a stupid noise that sounded like a cough and a choke. "You wouldn't let him hide his salami?" "Pump gas into your tank?" "Hibernate in your cave?" "Catch a ride on the Kitty Kat Express?" "Tenderize your meat? "
― Mariana Zapata , Lingus
2 " Who was that?" she asked me when we were a couple of booths down. "Some guy who caught me pulling my underwear out of my crack. "
3 " My name is Kat Berger, and I love porn. There is nothing wrong with enjoying watching two people fuck. "
4 " What the fuck was wrong with me, I wondered. I wished there was a version of Pepto Bismol for verbal diarrhea, because I'd invest in it. My "
5 " Jesus Christ. He was wearing a suit for once, a dark gray ensemble that looked tailored to fit his wide shoulders, full arms, slim hips, and muscular thighs. How the hell did he go through the day without getting slipped a Rohypnol by every woman he came in contact with? "
6 " I'd do this all over again a hundred times as long as I met you in the end. "
7 " when did Anakin's Jedi teachers know he was going bad? In the Sith grade. "
8 " Why does Leia wear buns on her head? In case she gets hungry in a Senate meeting! "
9 " I asked the sweet Lord Jesus to bless me with the power of invisibility, at least for a few minutes. "
10 " I'm going to break into your room when you're sleeping at night and take a shit on your face if you ever forget to hold the door open for another person again. "
11 " Kat! Look at this!" my best friend squealed, turning around, holding a huge glass dildo in her hand. Oh, my God. How did I ever let her drag me to a fucking porn convention? "
12 " Which star wars character works at a restaurant? Darth waiter ha ha ha! "
13 " Zoey gasped then, putting a small hand against her negative 32AAA boobies. "No! "
14 " It wasn't until my third lap of the room that I realized people were probably smiling at me so much because of the big lettering on my credential that said ‘Performer.’ Shit. "
15 " Real life didn't allow things to happen when you expected them or needed them to. Wrong moments, wrost timing, and dealing with tough situations were a natural part of life. "
16 " You," I said with a squeeze. "In." Another squeeze accompanied my words and I heard him suck in a breath, waiting for me to finish. For me to tell him what he wanted to hear. "An apron. I want you to make me a cupcake." A loud whoosh expelled from his lungs, followed by glaring in my direction. "You're cruel, and that's not something I can buy you. "
17 " I started laughing like an idiot and then snorted too, like a full-blown hog for freak’s sake. We both laughed so hard at each other for our mirrored noises that he snorted again even louder and I followed as well. The porn con had officially become a farm. "
18 " Then, I thought about those Durex XXLs sitting in his drawer again, and my face broke out in a wild blush. He stopped at the foot of the bed, looking at me intently before a knowing, tired grin spread across his pale face. "You opened up the wrong drawer, didn't you?" I hated him. "Did you raid a Trojan factory and steal their yearly supply?" I sputtered out instead of denying it. "
19 " Tristan was many things. He was smoking hot, but also beautiful. He was also funny, smart, a jackass, and compassionate, among many other things. Two traits he was not: organized and neat. I'd been watching him fold his laundry for nearly twenty minutes, and I didn't know how I managed not scream "
20 " The eight bitches in front were all dressed up like trashy versions of country girls in microscopic cut-off jean shorts. If that wasn't bad enough, the old geezers behind us were wearing enough makeup to stock Sephora for at least six months. "
