Home > Work > A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom
1 " Empty packets of hot sauce remind me of the love I used to have for her. Now all I’m left with is this yummy taco. "
― Jarod Kintz , A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom
2 " For your birthday, I got you a box. Hooray! It’s empty, so you can fill it with whatever you want. "
3 " I love teamwork. I love the idea of everyone rallying together to help me win. "
4 " If my love could be represented by a blur, it would be the beating of a hummingbird’s wings. Did you know that my love is the only love that can fly backwards? "
5 " How many seconds does it take to win second? As many as it takes to win first—if you don’t use them properly. "
6 " My trash can got stolen five times. Finally the owner just let me have it. "
7 " A cake for all is not a celebration of one. Cupcakes are the ultimate birthday cake. "
8 " When I’m feeling down, I make myself a big bowl of Up Soup. The bowl only looks empty, but in reality it’s full of hope. Grab a spoon, there’s plenty for both of us. "
9 " I’ll wipe a booger on your wall, not only to say I was here, but also to say thanks for having me over. "
10 " The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon melts and then evaporates. And your assassination can be fruit flavored! "
11 " One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how great is it that any woman I look at has blurred features and therefore is as beautiful as an impressionistic painting? "
12 " My mom and dad died, but in their place I got a house of fog that’s easy to hide my feelings in. (No smoking, please.) "
13 " Day or night, I can’t see the wind. But at night, it feels like I can see it even less. What’s less visible than invisible? "
14 " You should shoot. I should shoo. "
15 " Some men eat dinner with silverware. Some use chopsticks. I prefer zippers. "
16 " I can throw an orange like a baseball, but I can’t eat a baseball like an orange. Let that be a life lesson for you. "
17 " Lead is to lead as follow is to follow. And lead is to lead as a type of metal is to a type of metal. Which brings me to my point: To love is to lead with your heart, while allowing your ego to sink like lead. "
18 " I tried telling him without telling him, through body language, and I observed he was unobservant. "
19 " I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out and evaporate. Scotch on the rocks, anyone? "
20 " Things aren’t often what they appear to be at first blush. But embarrassment is. "
