1
" I can’t marry you,” I finally said. He nodded slowly. “I figured that out.” His mouth opened, then shut quickly, and he went back to waiting. But I couldn’t figure out where to begin, because I couldn’t understand Declan. There was a sadness deep in his eyes, but he didn’t look as if I’d just rejected his proposal. He didn’t look like the girl he’d thought was his fiancée had just told him she couldn’t marry him. He looked as if he had been waiting for this conversation. “Why, Rorie?” he said pleadingly. “Why won’t you?” “I’m sorry, Dec. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, but I—” I sucked in a sharp breath, as if my body was rebelling against voicing the truth to him again, then forced out: “I fell in love with Jentry.” He winced in pain. “It was before I ever met you. I just didn’t know who he was. I didn’t know who he was to you, and didn’t think that I would see him again! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen, but I couldn’t continue a relationship with you when my heart belonged to someone else. It wasn’t fair to you. You have to understand than I never wanted to hurt you; he never wanted to hurt you.” Declan’s lips formed a sad smile after a few moments. “God, that hurts just as much hearing it the second time. "
― Molly McAdams , I See You
2
" Just before we reached the front door, Jentry gripped my wrist to pull me to a stop. My heart stuttered and soul ached. One touch and I was ready to crumble under the pain of these last weeks. I knew he’d let it happen and not judge me, because that one touch and the look in his eyes said everything that he wouldn’t. It was tender and full of sorrow. It was possessive and caring. “If it gets to be too much, we’ll go.” “Jentry, it’s—” “If it gets to be too much, we’ll go,” he repeated, talking over me. “Say the word, Aurora, and we’re gone. I swear.” I nodded when his eyes begged for a response, and tried to remember how to catch my breath when he released me. There "
― Molly McAdams , I See You
3
" Wh-what? What did you say?” “Hearing that, hearing you admit you love him, hurts just as much now as it did the first time.” “What do you mean?” I nearly yelled in a mixture of shock, anger, and confusion. “You knew? You remember?” He took a step toward me and held his hands up as if he was going to reach for me, but I stumbled away from him as Jentry hurried into the kitchen. Declan didn’t spare a glance for him, just moved one of his hands in Jentry’s direction as if silently asking him not to speak, then admitted hesitantly, “Yes, I remember that. I remembered when I woke up because it felt like just seconds after.” Jentry looked at me questioningly. “Declan already knew about us,” I choked out. “He knew when he woke up.” Jentry tensed and slowly looked over at him. “Dec, how could—do you . . . do you have any idea how much she has agonized over telling you again? And this whole time you’ve just been—Christ, you’ve just been pretending not to remember? And for what?” Declan’s head dropped and shook slowly as he spoke, but he still wouldn’t face Jentry. “Man, you’ve already taken her from me,” he growled in a low tone. “The least you could do is give me some fucking time alone with her.” “The least you could do is give me some time to come to terms with the fact that you used your coma to your advantage and have let me believe that you thought we were engaged,” I seethed. “Do you know how sick that is, Declan?” Without waiting for his response, I turned and walked from the house. The "
― Molly McAdams , I See You
4
" Rorie, look at me,” he said gently, and lifted my tear-streaked face until he was looking me in the eye. “I can’t let you apologize. I tried to keep you when I knew you weren’t mine.” His voice wavered during the last few words, and his green eyes watered. “I knew during that weekend at the beach. I didn’t know what was going on between the two of you . . . but I knew. I could see it. I was so afraid of what would happen when he moved back that I tried to do everything I could to keep you before that could happen. Tried to do everything I could to keep you from pulling away and going to him. Especially to him. Jentry has girls for a night before he forgets all about them; that’s how he’d always been. I knew he would do the same to you, and I wanted to prevent that and keep you with me.” I watched him in shock as he told me everything, unsure if I was breathing or not as I realized that weeks of heartache and worry could have been avoided. “But that night . . . I’d never expected what you told me. Because even though I didn’t believe him at the time, Jentry had said on the way to the beach that he was hung up on someone he never expected to see again. And it didn’t take a lot to connect what both of you had told me and realize that it had been you all along. And when you told me where you met him—damn it, Rorie, do you realize that I nearly walked in on the two of you that night? I never took you back to the frat house, but I didn’t realize that you’d already been in my room.” I dropped my face into my hands as that night came flooding back when Jentry went to talk to someone at the door, and mortification set in. “And how pissed off I’d already been at the thought of you looking for someone, only to realize that it was my brother. When all of that came pouring from you and settled in, I didn’t know what to do. I was livid and sick and so damn torn up that I didn’t know how to even look at you anymore. But I knew I’d already lost you to him before I’d even met you. I hated him, I hated you, I hated myself . . . and I just had to get away from you. And then . . .” He laughed sadly and shifted on the step. I looked up at him to find him staring at me as if he’d lost everything. “And then I woke up and saw you standing there with him and didn’t understand what was going on or how I’d gotten there. But once things were explained to me, I thought I could try again. I was selfish enough to think I had a second shot at keeping you. So please do not apologize to me.” I "
― Molly McAdams , I See You
5
" Madeline’s just so beautiful,” she continued. “Their children would be perfect.” “I don’t know, have you seen the girl standing right in front of you?” a rough voice asked from beside us. Though my skin tingled, I didn’t look at him. I knew if I did, Jentry would see my frustration and defeat, and I stubbornly wanted to keep both from him. Because he would see too much in my emotions—he always did—and I wanted to keep what Linda did and said from him. Linda’s hatred and cruelty was my cross to bear. “Jentry!” Linda called out as she turned to see him. “Welcome home, son!” People throughout the house echoed her sentiment, but Jentry didn’t acknowledge them. He just asked Linda in a low tone, “What is she doing here?” Madeline squeaked and spread her arms wide as she strutted toward Jentry. “I’ve heard so much about you over the years! I’ve been dying to meet you!” Before she could get too close, Jentry pinned her with a dark stare. “Unfortunately I can’t say the same. I usually stay away from whores.” Madeline stopped suddenly. Her mouth fell open in a way that made her look unattractive for probably the first time in her life, and it felt like Linda’s gasp sucked all the air out of the room. “Jentry Michaels! I raised you better than that. You do not speak to women that way. Apologize to her. Now.” Jentry nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah, probably a little harsh to call her out in front of everyone.” My eyes widened in amazement, and I finally turned to look at him. His dark eyes bored into mine; his jaw was clenched tight and his arms were vibrating from his anger. “If you apologize to Rorie and Madeline apologizes to Dec . . . then I’ll apologize to her,” he continued through gritted teeth. Linda looked shocked. She placed a hand over her chest and whispered, “Apologize for what? I have done nothing!” “Then I have nothing to say.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me from the group. “What "
― Molly McAdams , I See You
8
" When I look at you, Aurora, I see everything I’ve ever wanted. And as much as I hate it and try to push it away, that makes me hear my biological mother, and makes me terrified of what I could do to you. The thought of ever hurting or ruining you haunts me.” I opened my mouth, but hesitated. “Say it,” he prompted gently. “You told me that you vowed to protect people instead of hurt them, but the way you are—you don’t protect people because you feel like you should or you have to. It’s your natural instinct to. The possibility of what you could do when you’re angry is what fuels your fear of it. Anyone can do something horrible when they’re angry. The difference is that you’ve lived it. You’ve felt it. You grew up in it, but you got away, and that isn’t your life even if Jessica wants you to believe that it is.” “You haven’t seen me when I just . . . when I lose it.” “No, but I know you,” I said firmly. "
― Molly McAdams , I See You
9
" He grabbed my arm when I started walking away, and pulled me back. “Damn it, talk to me! I know you’re hurting, Aurora, I know. But seeing you look like you’ve just gone three rounds with my mom whenever you’re near her, seeing you look so fucking broken each time she talks to you, that isn’t you. It isn’t even the version of you who tried so damn hard to get my mom to like her.” His other hand gripped my free arm until it felt like he was pleading with me in his touch alone. “Tell me what is happening.” Seconds of silence passed between us. Tears pricked at my eyes, but didn’t fall. “You know what’s happening. Don’t pretend not to, or act like you don’t know why. The last thing I need now is another person pretending. Pretending like everything’s fine, like nothing’s wrong, like your entire family doesn’t hate me.” His brow pinched and his eyes searched mine. “How could I when I don’t have a damn clue what’s even happening with you because you’re pretending like nothing is?” “I’m not,” I said numbly. “I just don’t want to pull you or anyone else into it when I know it’s deserved.” “Deserved.” His hands tightened on my arms when realization hit him. I’d thought he was angry before, but this—this was different. When "
― Molly McAdams , I See You
13
" I haven’t felt whole since I walked away from Jentry last year. I do love Declan, and I know he would be good to me—good for me. I know how our future would go. I’ve known how it would play out since we started dating, and it’s something that has always made me smile because I’ve loved the promise of it. It’s a safe future, a sure one. It’s the house with the white picket fence and the two and a half kids, Taylor. I could be so happy in that future, but I know now I would never be whole, which means he would never get all of me. No one has ever gotten more than a fraction of me, because like you said, I wasn’t ever that invested in them. Never really cared. Giving Jentry all of me was like deciding to wake up. Natural.” From the way Taylor’s expression cleared as I spoke, I knew she believed me. But there was still a lingering disappointment in her eyes. “Thinking of a future with Jentry hurts because it means I’ve hurt Declan. But thinking of a future with Declan—now that Jentry’s back, I don’t know how to even see one.” After a while, her head dipped in acknowledgment. The movement contradicted her words. “This isn’t okay.” “I know.” “Declan has to know.” “I know,” I whispered, my voice filled with guilt and sorrow. “But don’t hate Jentry, Taylor. He tried to stop us so many times. He has always tried to give me every chance to stop. I pushed him.” “I doubt you had to push hard,” she mumbled, and turned back toward the house. We "
― Molly McAdams , I See You
14
" Every day, Aurora . . . every second, I regretted letting you walk away from me. You were supposed to be mine. So go home and think, really think, because you know that where Declan is, I’ll always be, and vice versa. And if in the end you do choose me, then I’ll be there with you to face what’s coming. If you choose him, then . . .” He trailed off and swallowed roughly. His gaze darted away to stare at the ocean, but he didn’t finish his thought. There wasn’t a need to. “I "
― Molly McAdams , I See You
