Home > Work > The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself

The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself QUOTES

The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself QUOTES

1 " Rescuing or enabling is not an act of love. We don't rescue because we love; we rescue because we want to gain a false sense of control over someone else. We rescue because we are repeating a pattern from childhood as a way of avoiding our feelings of helplessness. We rescue because we assume the other person can't handle the responsibility of his own feelings, because we can't tell the truth, because we can't say no, or because we are afraid the other person will get angry with us. And, most important, we rescue because we don't feel good about ourselves. We don't feel lovable, so we settle for being needed. We don't feel good about ourselves, so we feel compelled to be 'good' by rescuing someone else. "

― Beverly Engel , The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself

2 " Many people get confused about the purpose of speaking up. They feel that unless the other person hears their points of view and accepts it, it was a wasted effort. However, the purpose of speaking up is not to change the other person's point of view, but merely to assert yours. In some sense, it doesn't matter whether the other person even heard you, much less was persuaded by you. What matters is that you were able to speak your mind, that you didn't squelch your ideas and feelings. Once you begin to assert yourself without any expectations, you will gain more self-esteem and the courage to continue speaking up. "

― Beverly Engel , The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself