Home > Work > Nanaville: Adventures in Grandparenting
1 " . . . and when nanas die they leave grandchildren and perhaps a trace memory of being coddled, kissed, attended to, and loved, of being chased across the lawn or rocked in the middle of the night or taken seriously. In Nanaville there is always in the back of my mind the understanding that I am building a memory out of spare parts and that, someday, that memory will be all that's left of me. "
― Anna Quindlen , Nanaville: Adventures in Grandparenting
2 " It's a complicated relationship, being a good grandparent, because it hinges on a series of other relationships... Because being a grandparent is determined by the relationship your child has with you, partly determined by the one a son or daughter has with his or her spouse, partly determined by the relationship you have with the person your child has chosen to have a child with. "
3 " Because I’m learning that being a grandmother is not about the things you have to do. It’s about the things you want to do. The fact is that motherhood is mainly about requirements. "
4 " Some people measure their success by the profession their children have chosen, by the purchase of a house, by how often they visit or call. But the only measurement, truly, is something that’s quite subjective: have you raised good people? "
5 " I don’t care that much about getting older, but I don’t want to be forgotten, because to be remembered is to live and to be loved. "
6 " In Nanaville there is always in the back of my mind the understanding that I am building a memory out of spare parts and that, someday, that memory will be all that’s left of me. "
7 " There are really only two commandments of Nanaville: love the grandchildren, and hold your tongue. "
8 " It’s a complicated relationship, being a good grandparent, because it hinges on a series of other relationships. It’s an odd combination of being very experienced and totally green: I know how to raise a child, but I need to learn how to help my child raise his own. Where I once commanded, now I need to ask permission. Where I once led, I have to learn to follow. For years I had strong opinions for a living. Now I need to wait until I am asked for them, and modulate them most of the time. "
9 " It is interesting to discover how many people are disconcerted not because their parents are bad grandparents but because they are better grandparents than they were mothers and fathers. "
10 " And, above all, becoming a grandparent offers a chance to love in a different way, a love without the thorny crown of self-interest. I wish I could say I loved my children that way, but it wouldn’t be true, and it wouldn’t be true of anyone I know, either. "
11 " One of his favorite words now is “Pop.” There’s no question that it feels good in his mouth, but it’s not just that. In the way these things usually go in the house of family, Nana is wallpaper and Pop is a chandelier. “Pop! Pop!” he shouts now, searching for his grandfather. "
12 " There are many thrilling things about being a grandmother—who knew it would be so satisfying at my age to put my right foot in, to take my right foot out, to put my right foot in, and to shake it all about? "
13 " Becoming a parent changed and enlarged my son; it’s no stretch at all to say that parenthood made us both better people. I’ve watched him be a father to my grandson, and I’ve been thrilled by his ability to put his own concerns and needs aside to minister to those of this little boy, to put himself in the place time after time where he is attuned to who his son is and what he needs, whether indulgence or discipline. "