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141 " A stranger full of secrets. "
― Osamu Dazai , No Longer Human
142 " Quiero morir, porque el vivir sólo causa pecado. "
143 " My unhappiness was the happiness of a person who could not say no. I had been intimidated by the fear that if I declined something offered me, a yawning crevice would open between the other person's heart and myself which could never be mended through all eternity. "
144 " Extraordinary beans you've got here. Come have a look." [...] "What is it?" A strange excitement ran through me. The two of us went down from the roof to the second floor and were half-way down the stairs to my room on the ground floor when Horiki stopped me and whispered, "Look!" He pointed. A small window opened over my room, through which I could see the interior. The light was lit and two animals were visible. My eyes swam, but I murmured to myself through my violent breathing, "This is just another aspect of the behaviour of human beings. There's nothing to be surprised at." I stood petrified on the staircase, not even thinking to help Yoshiko. "
145 " ...I am wretchedly timid and am forever trying to read the expression on people's faces. "
146 " Communal living had proved quite impossible for me. It gave me chills just to hear such words as “the ardor of youth” or “youthful pride”: I could not by any stretch of the imagination soak myself in “college spirit. "
147 " To tell the truth, when I first came to the city, I was afraid to board a streetcar because of the conductor; I was afraid to enter the Kabuki Theatre for fear of the usherettes standing along the sides of the red-carpeted staircase at the main entrance; I was afraid to go into a restaurant because I was intimidated by the waiters furtively hovering behind me waiting for my plate to be emptied. Most of all I dreaded paying a bill--my awkwardness when I handed over the money after buying something did not arise from any stinginess, but from excessive tension, excessive embarrassment, excessive uneasiness and apprehension. My eyes would swim in my head, and the whole world grow dark before me, so that I felt half out of my mind. "
148 " Mutsuzluğum, reddetme yeteneği olmayan birinin mutsuzluğuydu. Bir şeyler teklif edilip de reddedince, karşımdakinin yüreğinde de kendi yüreğimde de onarılamayacak aleni bir çatlağın oluşacağı korkusunu taşırdım hep. "
149 " Far from it, I felt convinced that their reprimands were without doubt voices of human truth speaking to me from eternities past; I was obsessed with the idea that since I lacked the strength to act in accordance with this truth, I might already have been disqualified from living among human beings. "
150 " I wonder ifI have actually been happy. People have told me, really more times than Ican remember, ever since I was a small boy, how lucky I was, but I havealways felt as if I were suffering in hell. "
151 " Somehow it is not the smile of a human being: it utterly lacks substance, all of what we might call the "heaviness of blood" or perhaps the "solidity of human life"—it has not even a bird's weight. It is merely a blank sheet of paper, light as a feather, and it is smiling. "
152 " Pronto comprendí que el alcohol, el tabaco y las prostitutas eran un método excelente para librarme del miedo a los seres humanos, aunque fuese sólo por un momento. Y llegué a la conclusión de que para conseguir esos momentos valdría la pena vender hasta la última de mis posesiones. "
153 " My definition of a "respected" man was one who had succeeded almost completely in hoodwinking people, but who was finally seen through by some omniscient, omnipotent person who ruined him and made him suffer a shame worse than death. "
154 " I had been so terrorized by scientific statistics (if ten million people each leave over three grains of rice from their lunch, how many sacks of rice are wasted in one day; if ten million people each economize one paper handkerchief a day, how much pulp will be saved?) that whenever I left over a single grain of rice, whenever I blew my nose, I imagined that I was wasting mountains of rice, tons of paper, and I fell prey to a mood dark as if I had committed some terrible crime. But these were the lies of science, the lies of statistics and mathematics: you can't collect three grains of rice from everybody. "
155 " работал, собственно, только ради сакэ "
156 " Greed did not cover it, nor did vanity. Nor was it simply a combination of lust and greed. I wasn't sure what it was, but I felt that there was something inexplicable at the bottom of human society which was not reducible to economics. "
157 " I have frantically played the clown in order to disentangle myself from these painful relationships, only to wear myself out as a result. "
158 " I have only to shut my eyes after looking at it to forget the face. I can remember the wall of the room, the little heater, but all impression of the face of the principal figure in the room is blotted out; I am unable to recall a single thing about it. "
159 " En mi existencia ya no existe la felicidad o el sufrimiento. Todo pasa. Esa es la única verdad en toda mi vida, transcurrida en el interminable infierno de la sociedad humana. Todo pasa. "
160 " Quantunque degli esseri umani avessi un terrore mortale, sembravo assolutamente incapace di rinunciare alla loro compagnia.M'ingegnai a mantenere a fior di pelle un sorriso che non abbandonò le mie labbra un instante; fu questo l'accomodamento che offrivo alla gente. "