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21 " It’s the kind that pulls you by the hair. The unexpected jolt. It’s merciless, and it doesn’t allow you to change cell by cell, cushioning the blow with time. It smacks you into a new reality. It forces you to examine things you’d rather leave under a rock. "
― Loretta Nyhan , Digging In
22 " I thought about all of the people who said they were sorry when Jesse died. I knew they meant it, and I appreciated it, but I wondered if there was something else I would have rather heard. 'What do you think people should say to someone who's just lost a loved one? I don't think there are many options.'Petra thought for a moment. 'If you knew the person who died, I think you should share a memory, something you don't think they'd know about. The wilder the better.''And if you didn't know the person who died?''Then you should ask for a good memory that best describes him or her. Let the grieving person have a moment with that person again.''Couldn't that be too painful?' I asked. 'It's all painful. Listening to a hundred people apologize for something they had nothing to do with is excruciating, isn't it? They can't reverse anything with their apologies.'I wasn't sure I agreed with her, but it was a fresh perspective. Petra was rough around the edges, but she had wisdom I suspected was hard-won. "
23 " had a good courtship story because it started with friendship—we found each other in eighth grade, in a rough city school in an even rougher neighborhood. Now the place boasted a Starbucks on every corner, but in the ’80s and ’90s, gangs ran the area—Polish and Puerto Rican, and they "
24 " The few dinner parties we’d had were overshadowed by our own insecurities and desire for perfection. "
25 " no one tells you what to do when the parting happens. And they forget to explain that when death is sudden, the parting is actually a ragged tear, not a clean separation. It leaves all the ends unfinished, and they just unravel and unravel and . . . "
26 " Maybe life just unfolded like those ash snakes on the Fourth of July—messy and moving in unpredictable directions, sometimes longer and sometimes snuffing out before things really got started. If that were so, where would I find meaning in something that was so fundamentally unfair "
27 " They aren’t in it all the way. Mykia seems committed to what she’s doing because she’s got nothing to lose. In our case, we’re committed because we’ve got everything to lose. Does that make "
28 " I wasn’t lucky enough to get . . . what is it? Charisma. "
29 " better at recognizing it in others.” He went quiet a moment. “My parents were divorced, which is a whole different thing. I’m not comparing the two—” “Because that would be insensitive.” Someone came up to me after Jesse died and told me I was lucky because death was better than an acrimonious divorce. If I hadn’t been so weak from lack of eating, I would have punched her into the following week. Sean ran a hand over his face and took off his cap. In the sunlight, his red hair caught fire, all gold and orange and copper. “I’m not doing very well with this. What I’m trying to say is that the odds are with you with this one. A kid only needs one good parent to keep him anchored. He may float off and "
30 " So Giacomo Advertising and Design survived, helmed by Frank’s only son, Frank, Jr., a graduate of a small, private university on the East Coast who’d worked a series of vague internships in New York. He carried the city in with him when he walked into the Giacomo offices "
31 " I’m fucking twenty-nine years old. Could be a long life, you know? "
32 " Pick a few things you don’t want to let slide, and let the rest sort itself out,” he said gently after one particularly rough day. "
33 " Some might have seen our life together as boring, but we knew how valuable boring was. Like order, boring was safe. We could rely on it. "
34 " Jesse and I were never a social couple. We’d had to lean on each other for so long that we’d gotten used to being a duo. Our uniquely shared history made it difficult to get to know another couple in a meaningful way, and our innate distrust of strangers made it hard to get to know us very well. "
35 " Patience will be rewarded, the garden reminded me. Why was it so hard to listen sometimes? "
36 " Jesse’s death was making me a better person. As he’d done throughout our life together, he was still making sacrifices on my behalf. "
37 " I didn’t want to be impolite and ask what she was referring to. Then I gave it a second thought. How did people become friends? They shared parts of their pasts. "
38 " Do you know anyone worth her salt who isn’t hard on herself?” “Good question.” I thought about the women in my life... They could all give themselves a good pounding. The question was did it help or hurt? And how was it shaping my son’s perspective? "
39 " I think I’ll need all the help I can get.” “We could all use help, but need? That’s a different thing entirely. "
40 " Free yourself from the pressure of success, and you’ll free yourself of the oppressiveness of failure. "