" I thought about all of the people who said they were sorry when Jesse died. I knew they meant it, and I appreciated it, but I wondered if there was something else I would have rather heard. 'What do you think people should say to someone who's just lost a loved one? I don't think there are many options.'

Petra thought for a moment. 'If you knew the person who died, I think you should share a memory, something you don't think they'd know about. The wilder the better.'

'And if you didn't know the person who died?'

'Then you should ask for a good memory that best describes him or her. Let the grieving person have a moment with that person again.'

'Couldn't that be too painful?' I asked.

'It's all painful. Listening to a hundred people apologize for something they had nothing to do with is excruciating, isn't it? They can't reverse anything with their apologies.'

I wasn't sure I agreed with her, but it was a fresh perspective. Petra was rough around the edges, but she had wisdom I suspected was hard-won. "

― Loretta Nyhan , Digging In