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" I’d like you to come to Kauai with me,” I say. “And Scottie. I think it would be good to get her away from the hospital for a day. We can leave in the morning, find him, and be home tomorrow night. If it takes us a day longer, that’s fine, but we won’t stay more than two nights. That’s our deadline. If we don’t find him, then at least we know we tried.”
“And this will make you feel better somehow?”
“It’s for her,” I say. “Not for him or me.”
“What if he’s a wreck? What if he loses his shit?”
“Then I’ll take care of him.” I imagine Brian Speer wailing on my shoulder. I imagine him and my daughters by Joanie’s bed, her lover and his loud sobs shaming us. “Just so you know, I am angry. I’m not this pure and noble guy. I want to do this for her, but I also want to see who he is. I want to ask him a few things.”
“Just call him. Tell his office it’s an emergency. They’ll have him call you.”
“I want to tell him in person. I haven’t told anyone over the phone, and I don’t want to start now.”
“You told Troy.”
“Troy doesn’t count. I just need to do this. On the phone he can escape. If I see him in person, he’ll have nowhere to go.”
We both look away when our eyes meet. She hasn’t crossed the border into my room. She never does during her nighttime doorway chats.
“Were you guys having trouble?” Alex asks. “Is that why she cheated?”
“I didn’t think we were having trouble,” I say. “I mean, it was the same as always.”
This was the problem, that our marriage was the same as always. Joanie needed bumps. She needed rough terrain. It’s funny that I can get lost in thoughts about her, but when she was right in front of me, I didn’t think much about her at all.
“I wasn’t the best husband,” I say.
Alex looks out the window to avoid my confession. “If we go on this trip, what will we tell Scottie?”
“She’ll think we’re going on a trip of some sort. I want to get her away from here. "
― Kaui Hart Hemmings , The Descendants
