83
" Here's what I think: when you're born, you're assigned a brain like you're assigned a desk, a nice desk, with plenty of pigeonholes and drawers and secret compartments. At the start, it's empty, and then you spend your life filling it up. You're the only one who understands the filing system, you amass some clutter, sure, but somehow it works: you're asked the capital of Oregon, and you say Salem; you want to remember your first-grade teacher's name, and there it is, Miss Fox. Then suddenly you're old, and though everything's still in your brain, it's crammed so tight that when you try to remember the name of the guy who does the upkeep on your lawn, your first childhood crush comes fluttering out, or the persistent smell of tomato soup in a certain Des Moines neighborhood. "
― Elizabeth McCracken , Niagara Falls All Over Again
87
" He looks between the two. " Evie," he starts, as if he's explaining something to a five year old, " You do know that they can say whatever they want to on the package, right? It doesn't mean it's true." " Well, see," I counter, " You're right. But you're also wrong. I think that 95 percent of knowing you're the greatest is all about confidence. You might suspect you're the greatest, you might hope you're the greatest, but if you don't have the balls to proclaim yourself the greatest in bold packaging, and let your critics test you if they dare, then you probably aren't the greatest. Who can resist the guy who really, truly believes in himself? "
88
" It seems like it might go on for a while, so Tausolo takes a seat and looks around the sergeant's cubicle. There's not much to see, since the guy just arrived at the WTB, only a blank form tacked to a wall that looks like every other army form in the world." Hurt Feelings Report," it is titled. " Whiner's name," it says under that. " Which ear were the words of hurtfulness spoken into?" it says under that. " Is there permanent feeling damage?" " Did you require a 'tissue' for tears?" " Has this resulted in a traumatic brain injury?" " Reason for filing this report," it says under that. " Mark all that apply." " I am a wimp." " I am a crybaby." " I want my mommy." " I was told that I am not a hero." " Narrative," it says under that. " Tell us in your own sissy words how your feelings were hurt." Finally at the bottom of the form:We, as the Army, take hurt feelings seriously. If you don't have someone who can give you a hug and make things all better, please let us know and we will promptly dispatch a " hugger" to you ASAP. In the event we are unable to find a " hugger" we will notify the fire department and request that they send fire personnel to your location. If you are in need of supplemental support, upon written request, we will make every reasonable effort to provide you with a " blankey," a " binky" and/or a bottle if you so desire. "