102
" Too often the survivor is seen by [himself or] herself and others as " nuts," " crazy," or " weird." Unless her responses are understood within the context of trauma. A traumatic stress reaction consists of *natural* emotions and behaviors in response to a catastrophe, its immediate aftermath, or memories of it. These reactions can occur anytime after the trauma, even decades later. The coping strategies that victims use can be understood only within the context of the abuse of a child. The importance of context was made very clear many years ago when I was visiting the home of a Holocaust survivor. The woman's home was within the city limits of a large metropolitan area. Every time a police or ambulance siren sounded, she became terrified and ran and hid in a closet or under the bed. To put yourself in a closet at the sound of a far-off siren is strange behavior indeed—outside of the context of possibly being sent to a death camp. Within that context, it makes perfect sense. Unless we as therapists have a good grasp of the context of trauma, we run the risk of misunderstanding the symptoms our clients present and, hence, responding inappropriately or in damaging ways. "
104
" — Do they know? That you're gay?
— Why waste their time with it? It's not like it'll ever be an issue anyway.
— Yeah, but, it's who you are, right?
— I guess so, — he said. — I don't really know how to be any way else.
— When did you know?
— I was twelve, maybe. Something I just knew one day, even though I hadn't known it the day before.
— So it's like that, huh? A feeling? Not just being into other dudes?
— Oh no, it's that too. Of course it's that. But it's more, I think. Not so much a feeling as a fact, like having blue eyes or brown hair. It's just maybe something you don't discover until you're ready to understand it better.
— Like being straight, — she said. Only we don't have to deal with all that closet bullshit.
— Bingo, — he said. "
― John Corey Whaley , Highly Illogical Behavior
107
" Make no mistake, hiding one's true self away in a closet and creating a facade of heterosexuality is not without its consequences. It may appear to have a degree of safety but from my experience they are very unhealthy places and do all kinds of terrible things to individuals psychologically, emotionally and behaviourally.....to say nothing of projection. The damage of the fear, shame, guilt and self-loathing that exist inside a closet are often reflected unknowingly in the external life of the individual. In or out of the closet; there is a price to pay. Each individual must weigh up the consequences of honesty, openness, secrecy and deception for themselves. Coming out, for most of us, is like an exorcism that releases us of the darkness we have lived in for years and caused us to believe awful things about ourselves. On the other side of the looking glass are freedom, light and life. "
― Anthony Venn-Brown OAM , A Life of Unlearning – a preacher's struggle with his homosexuality, church and faith