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a cigarette  QUOTES

30 " Sit down and have a cup of coffeeWith your firm conviction that they're out to get youSit down and have a cigarette with your awful fear of deathI saw Milarepa at the all-night diner sharing a table with his personal demonsHe said You've got to invite them in with compassion on your breath Stop running away, 'cause nobody runs as fast as pain and sorrowStop pushing away, you're just making it hardStop putting it off, 'cause it'll be back to kick your ass tomorrowBreathe in, breathe out, let down your guardSit down and start shooting the shitWith the fear that you'll never measure up to your idealsSit down and have a bottle of beer with the ache of all you've lostI saw Milarepa at the coffee house having a Danish with his hurts and hatredsHe said You've got to invite them in, or you pay ten times the cost.Stop running away, 'cause nobody runs as fast as fear and loathingStop pushing away, you're just making it worseStop putting it off, cause it'll be back again in different clothingJust pop the clutch and go into reverseInvite them in and let them be there while you learn to stand itInvite them in and give them room to stomp and shoutWhen they can come and goThey won't be always pounding on your doorIf you let them in you can let them out.Sit down and have a conversationWith the loneliness that's eating you aliveSit down and watch a sunset with your overwhelming rageI saw Milarepa at the corner bar buying a round for the monsters in his heartHe said They're really not so bad when they're let out of their cageStop running away, 'cause nobody runs as fast as pain and sorrowStop pushing away, you're just making it hardStop putting it off, 'cause it'll be back to kick your ass tomorrowBreathe in, breathe out, let down your guard "

36 " I always imagined rape as this violent scene of a woman walking alone down a dark alley and getting mugged and beaten by some masked criminal. Rape was an angry man forcing himself inside a damsel in distress. I would not carry the trauma of a cliché rape victim. I would not shriek in the midst of my slumber with night terrors. I would not tremble at the sight of every dark haired man or the mention of Number 1’s name. I would not even harbor ill will towards him. My damage was like a cigarette addiction- subtle, seemingly innocent, but everlasting and inevitably detrimental.
Number 1 never opened his screen door to furious crowds waving torches and baseball bats. Nobody punched him out in my honor. The Nightfall crowd never socially ostracized him. Even the ex-boyfriend who’d second handedly fused the entire fiasco continued to mingle with him in drug circles. Everybody continued with business as usual. And when I told my parents I lost my virginity against my will, unconscious on a bathroom floor, Carl did not erupt in fury and demand I give him all I knew about his whereabouts so he could greet him with a rifle. Mom blankly shrugged and mumbled, “Oh, that’s too bad,” and drifted into the kitchen as if I’d received a stubbed toe rather than a shredded hymen.
Everyone in my life took my rape as lightly as a brief thunderstorm that might have been frightening when it happened, but was easy to forget about. I adopted that mentality as the foundation of my sex life. I would, time and time again, treat sex as flimsily as it started. I would give it away as if it was cheap, second hand junk, rather than a prize that deserved to be earned. "

Maggie Georgiana Young , Just Another Number