" If your goal was to get a badge of honor, you’re gonna have a harder time than you’d like. To this end, the hardest part of any of these measures is being able to withstand the discomfort of the conversation itself. The ability to listen in the face of that discomfort, and not become defensive is a virtue. "

― Kevin A. Patterson , Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities