Home > Author > Kevin A. Patterson
1 " Don't let discomfort silence you when your voice can lead to a better situation for all of us. "
― Kevin A. Patterson , Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities
2 " There is nothing welcoming about the notion that a positive reception, from a group or an individual, is based more on what you are than who you are. "
3 " The thing that makes systemic oppression so difficult to discuss is that when you do, you have to acknowledge your role in it. Often this means having to admit that you're part of the problem. It's not a comfortable experience when you learn that you further or benefit from the oppression of others. "
4 " Without acknowledging the variety of the human experience, all you get is the perspective of majority representation, which is mostly white and male and straight and able-bodied and cisgender and "traditionally" attractive. None of those things are inherently negative... but neither are their alternatives. So, all deserve some spotlight. "
5 " Inclusivity has to be seen as a benefit to the community. The lack of diversity has to be seen as a detriment to that community. "
6 " No group wants to be known locally or widely as "the group that is thoughtlessly, carelessly or intentionally unwelcoming to people of color. "
7 " Alternative lifestyle communities can easily become victim to cults of personality. Calling out problems in a community or running afoul of the wrong popular organizer, even for the right reasons, can lead to a social backlash. "
8 " Include and project the voices of underrepresented people in the spaces where their access is limited. Go love, and build, and restore, and speak, and engage, and create. Go be better and do better. "
9 " As a community, we should seek to create an environment that is inclusive of varying perspectives. Flat out, it makes us stronger. Diversity of thoughts and experiences opens us up to new ideas or to approaching old ideas in new ways. "
10 " If a group isn't being actively inclusive, it's being passively exclusive. This passive attitude results in lifestyle communities that do not reflect the local population. "
11 " I didn't want to be the kind of privileged person who tells oppressed people what their version of diversity should look like. "
12 " Our varying self-identities impact the way we practice our relationship styles. We shouldn’t ignore how this plays out for those who face an enhanced burden. "
13 " I try to remain cognizant of these privileges, and I work to destabilize the systems that put them in place…that keep them in place. If I make any mistakes along the way, I ask that you please make me aware. If you’ve got the time, the means, and the mental energy to spare, I welcome the upgrade. "
14 " All of which is to say, when polyamorous people and organizations fail to speak or act on racial issues that come up, which is usually what happens, people of color note that fact and proceed to bail, often without stating that they are doing so. And then we [white folks] wonder why our communities are so homogeneous.” – Pepper Mint of OpenSF and freaksexual.com "
15 " So, make something that you can call your own, and prepare for it to grow. But another thing to remember is that, just like polyamory, affiliates of a group don’t need to remain exclusive to that group. You can recruit membership from groups that address overlapping needs, without damaging them in the process. You can also create a cycle of pooled resources with and mutual respect for other communities. Or you can isolate yourself entirely. It’s up to you. But, in either case, be the recommendation for someone who is looking for a group like yours. As sugary as this may sound, something you create can be exactly what someone needs! "
16 " If you aren’t being actively inclusive, you are being passively exclusive. "
17 " You see, a truism of relationships, human interactions, and of course polyamory, is that if you don’t create an environment that’s receptive to the truth, people will simply stop offering their truth. "
18 " One of the main problems, at the intersection of race and polyamory (and really at the intersection of privilege and oppression), is that we don’t always know what we’re doing, we don’t always stop talking long enough to listen, and we’re often far too scared or too defensive to learn uncomfortable truths about ourselves or our behaviors. "
19 " Talk to your partners. Talk to your community leaders and event coordinators. Tell your story on social media and invite others to make it a dialogue. Use every bit of access you have to speak your truth, hear the truth of others, and grow as a person, as a community, and as a culture. "
20 " So ask yourself a few questions: Does your group consist almost entirely of women? Are all of the latest event’s attendees well-to-do? Does this meetup resemble a gathering of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK)? If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” it is not coincidental. "
