" The grief work has to be done. Fritz Perls said: “Nothing changes till it becomes what it is.” Only by demythologizing our parents can we grasp the real harm that was done to us. To grasp that real harm was done to us allows us to own our feelings about being violated. To feel the feelings is the original pain work. Once we’ve connected with and expressed those feelings, we are free to move on. "

― John Bradshaw , Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child