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1 " Believing in your standards for a square deal, even when there's no way to get it, is what allows you to create boundaries and take independent action. "
― , F*ck Feelings: One Shrink's Practical Advice for Managing All Life's Impossible Problems
2 " You should never hold yourself accountable for results you don’t control, but always for the strength of trying. "
3 " That’s why your primary goal is not to get rid of negative feelings and feel better, but to block them from controlling your behavior while you continue to act like a decent person. "
4 " Stop asking why you’ve got weaknesses and start preventing them from turning you into a jerk. "
5 " Put doing good over feeling good, and you will get good results. "
6 " In any case, just because you feel out of control doesn’t mean you should have been able to prevent it. Instead of searching for mistakes or weaknesses, judge yourself realistically, in terms of what a good person can actually do in a bad situation. "
7 " A good person is not someone who is trying to be happy, because that’s not possible, but someone who is trying to do right. "
8 " If you’re willing to accept what you can’t change, we have many positive suggestions for improving the way you manage the shit on your plate—beginning with not wasting time repeating what hasn’t been working. "
9 " Before allowing yourself to take responsibility for other people’s painful feelings, ask yourself whether there’s something you can do that will actually help, that you can afford to do (given your other commitments), and that isn’t better done by someone else (including the person you’re trying to help). "
10 " Accept that there are some losses that never stop hurting, so you can stop delving into them, get used to living with a heavy heart, and try to build a better life. Accept "
11 " that there’s no such thing as “fair,” feelings are stupid, life is hard . . . and you’re going to be relatively okay, even if you won’t be happy, "
12 " Your Script Here’s what to tell someone or yourself while you’re feeling hopelessly fucked-up. Dear [Me/Family Member/Fuckup I Can’t Help But Care About], I know you feel like [the royal “we”/you/our fuckup son] is on the verge of [insert mistake or potential tragic experience], and life feels like an unholy disaster. The truth is, however, that life often sucks and sometimes I can’t expect to feel other than [insert classier, more dire synonym for “shitty”], especially given issues in the past regarding [bad luck/anxiety/your many addictions and world-record unemployment]. So don’t take it personally and do take credit for whatever good things you were doing, even if they were totally ineffective at fending off this mess. Take pride in doing a good job, regardless of bad [luck/genes/associates/mental pain] and don’t stop. "
13 " Working hard at managing love doesn’t mean becoming supremely unselfish and generous in a totally unconditional, nonjudgmental way; it means becoming very judgmental about what you can expect from people and yourself and putting conditions on whom you allow yourself to get close to, love be damned. "
14 " It’s not clear when people started equating solving emotional issues with retracing your steps in order to find your car keys, but if you retrace your steps to uncover the ultimate source of your problems, you won’t usually find it. On the plus side, you might find your sunglasses. "
15 " turn your bullshit wish into a goal that can actually be achieved. Accept whatever is obviously impossible about your goals. Accept that depression is often chronic and incurable, so you can stop blaming yourself for not controlling it. Stop "
16 " Life never guarantees you a square deal, but you can be a good, realistic dealer in an unfairly chaotic marketplace if you assume that no one necessarily sees things the way you do, no matter how obvious the truth appears, and that getting what you deserve is a lucky event, not a right. You "
17 " you need to accept that life is hard and your frustrated efforts are a valuable guide to identifying what you can’t change. "
18 " Where you see moral choices and harmful consequences, Assholes see disrespect, intense needs, and the right to defend themselves against injury and injustice every time those needs are frustrated. "
19 " Your Script Here’s what to tell someone or yourself while you’re totally unable to understand the reason for or source of a problem. Dear [Me/Family Member/Spouse/Overly Logical Friend]: I know it’s hard to understand why a [positive adjectives] person like me should have a problem with [addiction/politics/attraction to morons] but I do, and, to date, treatment with [three analysts/kabbalah/Judge Judy] hasn’t given me an answer that makes a difference. I’ve decided that ignorance is okay, but my problem isn’t, and that from now on I need to do everything I can to improve and manage my behavior, just to be the person I want to be. So I will be open about my problem [in meetings/press releases/tweets], welcome observations about my behavior [with/without retaliating], and track my progress over time [in my computer/Facebook/a secret journal that you should burn if I die]. And I will not give up. "
20 " He’s only an idiot if he acts on his dumb impulse; you, on the other hand, are unconditionally an idiot for insulting and alienating someone you were trying to help. Never anchor an attempt to be helpful with hurtful words. "