Robin Norwood QUOTES

21 " Pero cuando usted trata de solucionarle sus problemas, él queda liberado de su propia responsabilidad por su propia vida. Entonces usted queda a cargo del bienestar de él, y cuando sus esfuerzos fallan, él la culpará a usted. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

22 " I always thought I just wanted to be loved and the reality is I chose only people who weren’t capable of loving me. "

― Robin Norwood , Letters from Women Who Love Too Much: A Closer Look at Relationship Addiction and Recovery

23 " To be without the relationship, that is to be alone with oneself, can be experienced as worse than being in the greatest pain the relationship produces because to be alone means to feel the stirrings of the great pain from the past combined with that of the present. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

24 " In a dysfunctional family, there is always a shared denial of reality. No matter how serious the problems are the family does not become dysfunctional unless there is denial operating Further, should any family member attempt to break through this denial by, for instance, describing the family situation in accurate terms the rest of the family will usually strongly resist that perception. Often ridicule will be used to bring that person back into line or failing that the renegade family member will be excluded from the circle of acceptance, affection, and activity. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

25 " It has already been noted that children in dysfunctional families feel responsible for their family's problems and also for solving them. There are basically three ways in which children attempt to save their families: by being invisible, ,by being bad, or by being good. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

26 " To be invisible means to never ask for anything, never cause trouble, never make any kind of demand. The child who chooses this role scrupulously avoids adding any burden to her already stressed family. She stays in her room, or blends into the wallpaper, she says very little and makes what she does say noncommittal. In school she is neither bad nor good, in fact, she is rarely remembered at all, her contribution to the family is to not exist. As for her own pain, she is numb, she feels nothing. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

27 " We all tend to believe that suffering is a mark of true love, that to refuse to suffer is selfish, and that if a man has a problem then a woman should help him change. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

28 " THE SECURE, THE ANXIOUS, AND THE AVOIDANT Adult attachment designates three main “attachment styles,” or manners in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships, which parallel those found in children: "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

29 " A iubi prea mult înseamnă, în realitate, să fii obsedată de un bărbat şi să numeşti asta dragoste, să laşi această obsesie să-ţi controleze sentimentele şi comportamentul, să-ţi dai seama că are o influenţă negativă asupra sănătăţii şi liniştii tale şi totuşi să nu te poţi elibera de sub puterea ei. Inseamnă să cântăreşti iubirea în funcţie de dimensiunile suferinţei. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

30 " De ce ne atrage pe noi, femeile, ideea de a schimba persoana nefericită, bolnavă de lângă noi, într-un partener perfect? De ce este acest concept atât de tentant în pofida încercărilor la care ne supune?
Pentru unele, răspunsul e limpede: morala iudeo-creştină cuprinde porunca de a-i ajuta pe cei mai puţin norocoşi decât noi. Suntem învăţate că avem datoria să răspundem cu compasiune şi generozitate celor aflaţi în nevoie. Să nu judecăm, să ajutăm; asta pare a fi obligaţia noastră morală. Din nefericire, aceste motive pline de virtute explică indubitabil şi integral comportamentul milioanelor de femei care decid să-şi ia ca parteneri bărbaţi violenţi, indiferenţi, abuzivi, cu carenţe afective, dependenţi, sau altfel spus, incapabili de iubire şi atenţie. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

31 " Este un adevăr valabil pentru toţi acela că, dacă ceva ne răneşte sentimentele, iar noi spunem tuturor că numai noi suntem vinovaţi de ceea ce s-a întâmplat, afirmăm de fapt că ţinem situaţia sub control: dacă ne schimbăm, suferinţa va înceta.
Pentru multe din femeile care iubesc excesiv, aceasta este dinamica ce se află în spatele auto-învinovăţirii. Recunoscând că vina este a noastră, ne agăţăm de speranţa că vom fi în stare să înţelegem unde greşim şi să corectăm greşeala, să controlăm deci situaţia şi să punem capăt suferinţei. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

32 " In a severely dysfunctional home such as this, where there are apparently insurmountable difficulties, the family will focus on other, simpler problems that hold some promise of being solvable. Lisa’s schoolwork and grades thus became everyone’s focus, including Lisa’s. The family needed to believe that this problem was one which, if rectified, would bring harmony. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

33 " • buying him clothes to improve his self-image • finding a therapist for him and begging him to go • financing expensive hobbies to help him use his time better • going through disruptive geographic relocations because “he’s not happy here” • giving him half or all of our property and possessions so he won’t feel inferior to us • providing him with a place to live so that he can feel secure "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

34 " Es una mujer de buen corazón enamorada de un oportunista lo ama a pesar de sus modales perversos que ella no entiende. Mujer de buen corazón "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

35 " allowing him to abuse us emotionally because “he was never allowed to express his feelings before” • finding him a job. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

36 " La baza tuturor eforturilor noastre de a transforma pe cineva stă un motiv egoist, convingerea că dacă el se schimbă, vom fi fericite. E foarte bine să-ţi doreşti să fii fericit, dar să plasezi sursa acestei fericiri în afara sinelui tău, în mâinile altcuiva, înseamnă să eviţi capacitatea şi responsabilitatea de a-ţi schimba viaţa în bine "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

37 " (Dependenţa de muncă este una din modalităţile folosite adeseori de bărbaţii din familiile cu disfucţionalităţi pentru a se evita pe sine, după cum a iubi prea mult este unul din primele mijloace de evitare folosite de femeile din acest tip de familii. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

38 " Oricât de proşti cârpaci am fi în ale vieţii, fiecare simte nevoia să deţină singur controlul propriei existenţe. Când cineva ne ajută, ne irită puterea şi superioritatea acelei persoane implicate în ajutorul dat. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

39 " Majoritatea avem capacitatea de a fi infinit mai fericiţi şi mai realizaţi ca indivizi, decât ne închipuim. Adeseori, nu revendicăm această fericire pentru că ne imaginăm că suntem împiedicaţi de purtarea „altei persoane”. Ignorăm obligaţia ce ne revine, de a ne dezvolta pe noi înşine în timp ce facem planuri şi manevre ca să schimbăm pe altcineva şi ne supărăm, ne descurajăm şi ne întristăm când eforturile noastre eşuează "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

40 " One of the implications of letting go of managing and controlling others is that you must relinquish the identity of being helpful, but ironically, that very act of letting go is frequently the single most helpful thing you can do for the one you love. The identity of being helpful is an ego trip, if you really want to be helpful let go of his problems and help yourself. "

― Robin Norwood , Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change