47
" You’re right, because she couldn’t stand Barry’s mother. She called her an overprotective hausfrau who was making her kids into babies. She called all the mothers we knew smothering and incapable of discipline. I sort of believed her.” “Deep down did you believe it?” I asked, trying to push this further. “I did and I didn’t. I thought the kids were babied, as she said, but I also wanted to be babied. Now I’m realizing that Barry’s and the other moms were just loving mothers, and mine wasn’t. As Dr. Goldblatt would say, I’ve reframed babying, which is bad, as loving, which is good. "
― Catherine Gildiner , Good Morning, Monster: A Therapist Shares Five Heroic Stories of Emotional Recovery
50
" The most important revelation of the year was that her mother, like the captive gorilla, wasn’t capable of love. She’d never been mothered herself, and she had no role model. Many psychologists believe that narcissistic personality disorder occurs at a very young age, probably before the age of two. The child is neglected or traumatized and learns that the primary caregiver cannot be trusted to provide for his or her needs. The child becomes emotionally stunted at the age when the trauma occurs, unable to experience more mature emotions such as gratitude, remorse, empathy, or love. "
― Catherine Gildiner , Good Morning, Monster: A Therapist Shares Five Heroic Stories of Emotional Recovery
58
" You, like every other daughter in the world, are bonded to your dad. Darwin points out that bonding happens in all species. Your bond with your dad was perfectly normal and necessary. However, I think you've mistaken bonding for love. Bonding is not a choice; it's a biological imperative, necessary for survival. Love is a choice. When you meet an incompetent man who needs you to care for him, you immediately feel warm toward him because you're bonded to that behaviour. You've honed your role of taking care of a man, and have been loved for doing it. But love is where you mutually care for one another. You want to admire your lover's characteristics, not protect him from the ravages of the real world. Your dad loved you, as best as he could, for taking care of him. But some man will love you for all your characteristics, not just the ones that will cover for his mistakes. "
― Catherine Gildiner , Good Morning, Monster: A Therapist Shares Five Heroic Stories of Emotional Recovery