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21 " New Rule: If you're one of the one-in-three married women who say your pet is a better listener than your husband, you talk too much. And I have some bad news for you: Your dog's not listening, either; he's waiting for food to fall out of your mouth. "
― Bill Maher , The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass
22 " First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely eyed realists. And millions and millions of men who are anything but. However. For lack of a better term I would say that the feminine values are the values of america :Sensitivity is more important than Truth. Feelings are more important than Facts. Commitment is more important than Individuality. Children are more important than People. Safety is more important than Fun.I always hear women say 'Y'know married men live longer'. Yes. And an indoor cat also, lives longer. "
― Bill Maher
23 " First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely eyed realists. And millions and millions of men who are anything but. However. For lack of a better term I would say that the feminine values are the values of america :Sensitivity is more important than Truth. Feeling are more important than Facts. Commitment is more important than Individuality. Children are more important than People. Safety is more important than Fun.I always hear women say 'Y'know married men live longer'. Yes. And an indoor cat also, lives longer. "
24 " To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity. "
25 " New Rule: Don't name your kid after a ballpark. Cubs fans Paul and Teri Fields have named their newborn son Wrigley. Wrigley Fields. A child is supposed to be an independent individual, not a means of touting your own personal hobbies. At least that's what I've always taught my kids, Panama Red and Jacuzzi. "
26 " If a fourteen year-old can deliver your message, it's not because he's gifted. It's because intellectually, you're a child. "
27 " But females in even the most advanced Muslim countries are simply, by law, not the equal of men. "
― Bill Maher , When You Ride Alone You Ride With Bin Laden: What the Government Should Be Telling Us to Help Fight the War on Terrorism
28 " Just like in the workplace, women who are good workers are the best workers. "
29 " The real axis of evil in America is the genius of our marketing and the gullibility of our people. "
30 " Jesus is great -- is there a better role model? No. It's religion, it's the people who get in between -- the bureaucracy, you know. ... It's the way people abuse Jesus. Was there ever a greater victim of name dropping? "
31 " We are oblivious to suffering. We are cheap with charity if it's not close to our home. "
32 " Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit! "
33 " I don't want to say Monsanto is evil right off the bat, but why is Monsanto so evil? "
34 " Isn't it time we asked ourselves, are we willing to accept any behavior codified within religious or cultural practice? Is there no line to be drawn? If honor killings are okay, then why not virgin sacrifices or cannibalism or sex with children outside the church? We have perversely taken our notion of tolerance to such extremes that we've become tolerant of intolerance. "
35 " New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures of Britney Spears's vagina getting out of a car. Television has desensitizes us to violence, and porn has desensitized us to people getting shot in the eye. "
36 " But what is it that drives haters crazy with rage? Many times, it's being ignored. To a person with pride, being ignored is often worse than out-and-out hate; it's that much more of an insult, that you're not even worth noticing. "
37 " I hate stupidity, but what I hate even more is when people actually brag about it. "
38 " I don't respect thinking that is dangerous, prejudicial, childish, and could get me killed. "
39 " If I can't suck your milkshake through a straw, it's not a milkshake--it's a glass of ice cream. "
40 " New Rule: Americans have to come up with a better cheese to represent the nation than American cheese. I'm not even sure American cheese is cheese. I think it's aged Jell-O. And it doesn't need to be individually wrapped in plastic, either. You're thinking of condoms. "