Home > Author > Bill Maher
1 " I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally. "
― Bill Maher
2 " I think religion is a neurological disorder. "
3 " The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs. "
4 " Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom. "
― Bill Maher , When You Ride Alone You Ride With Bin Laden: What the Government Should Be Telling Us to Help Fight the War on Terrorism
5 " I don't ridicule religion, it ridicules itself. "
6 " Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. "
7 " Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got? "
8 " To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'. "
9 " You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash. "
10 " Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance. "
11 " We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists. "
12 " The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people. "
13 " New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here’s what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here’s what they don’t know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I’d join the Tea Party. "
14 " Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream? "
15 " I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it. "
― Bill Maher , The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass
16 " Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that. "
17 " Kadafi is a zombie in a pillbox hat, that's what he is! "
18 " Americans today confuse freedom with not being asked to sacrifice. The fact that you can't have everything you want exactly when you want it has somehow become un-American. "
19 " I'm always amazed at the human capacity to not make fundamental changes, but instead merely adapt. I see these pictures of people in Beijing and New Delhi, walking around with masks on, because you can't walk outside your house and breathe? If you can't breathe?…If that's not the cue to make a fundamental change, I don't know what is! "
20 " Women are also property in our bible; adultery is a property crime in the Old Testament, not a sex crime. "
