Home > Author > Fred Barnett
1 " ...an ambitious array of dishonorable intentions that he intended to wield upon the Countess’s nether regions. — BATS 2015 "
― Fred Barnett
2 " They’re dogs. Never trust a man. Even when he’s dead. Especially when he’s dead. — Bats 2015 "
3 " Depart, Satan,' she said, with a complete lack of enthusiasm. — Bats 2015 "
4 " Bolts of energy swirled in the air and streamed into Dave’s butt. Dave sneezed ... No. He farted through his nose. "
― Fred Barnett , Second Chances
5 " It wasn’t kidnapping. She was no kid and she certainly wasn't napping." Shark Fin Soup 2015 "
6 " Muy Peligroso!” Bernie’s choices had become as limited as the Taco Bell menu. Reason and blood had left the building, heading south, faster than reprobates to Florida." — Shark Fin Soup 2015 "
7 " Dauna marched her tasty 包子 and 餃 (which were far superior to the dumplings served at the Double Chins Cafe) into the waiting room." — Shark Fin Soup 2015 "
8 " Dauna drew her lush breasts over Bernie’s cold blue lips. “Yeah. The f*cker’s dead all right." — Shark Fin Soup 2015 "
9 " Dauna inhaled a deep drag from her happy cigarette. (Yes, her cig was happy. Fuck'n euphoric.) Smoke swirled over her tongue." — Shark Fin Soup 2015 "
10 " What Mufy means is that he is in possession of rather capacious breasts for a male of the human species "
11 " They have no discipline. They’ll still need us.” “Ha!” said Postel. “No discipline? Behold!!!! My cat has written a book! ...And she's published!" — Amok 2015 "
12 " The kids found the new high tensile Duncan Yo-Yo string was strong enough to use as a garrotte. "
13 " G had fallen asleep and tumbled into the motor assembly of the Ferris wheel. It spat him out. "
14 " Bernie let out the most pitiful wail heard since that god-forsaken day in 1942 when Bambi’s mom was shot. "
15 " Keeeerist! Look at the smile on the poor sumbiche’s face. Ain't seen anything like that since the B.J. Killer was alive." —Shark Fin Soup "
16 " Her eyes were dark, corrupt, fathomless and all of that other evil crap. Mostly all of that other evil crap. "
17 " The figure hanging upside down at the top of the great hall had ‘f’n had it’ with the corpulent little blood dumplings! —Bats "
18 " She could feel something unnatural following her every movement as she washed her bountiful Huzza and Wahzoozie" — BATS "
19 " I only require that my characters have one thing and one thing in common. A total lack of self-control. "
20 " You’re going to show up to a duel, in the street, wearing Come F—k Me Heels?" — Bats 2015 "
