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Darius Cikanavicius QUOTES

Darius Cikanavicius QUOTES

1 " The feeling of being rejected, disapproved of, or conditionally loved by one’s primary caregivers is a monumental, long-lasting burden for a child to carry. It produces chronic shame, guilt, and anxiety. The child is blamed for doing something wrong and in doing so learns to perceive themselves as being bad. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

2 " The fetus is biochemically connected to the mother, and her external, internal, physical, and mental health affect the overall development of the fetus. Stress and depression during pregnancy have been proven to have long-term and even permanent effects on the offspring. Such effects include a vulnerability to chronic anxiety, elevated fear, propensity to addictions, and poor impulse control. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

3 " We live in a society where people are often more offended by those who point out child abuse than by the abuse itself. In other words, society does not view abuse as the problem; the problem is you pointing it out. Society's basic mindset is that "If we don't talk about abuse, then it's not happening." Similarly, children are attacked when they point out the dysfunction around them. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

4 " If a child’s emotional and intellectual freedom is restricted, their development and well-being suffer, which leads to complex problems in later life. Deprivation of thought and emotion results in an irrationality of cognition, feeling, and communication. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

5 " Only when a child’s authenticity is threatened do they develop unhealthy behaviors, distorted reality perceptions, and emotional difficulties. When you force a child to do what they don’t want to do, feel what they don’t feel, and think what they don’t think, their authentic self becomes damaged. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

6 " One of the most common corruptions of childrearing remains the controlling caregiver’s propensity to shape the child into an object aligned with the caregiver’s own unprocessed trauma. Controlling caregivers have a variety of methods at their disposal to accomplish this, including such “civilized” approaches as manipulating, conditionally loving, withdrawing attention, threatening, isolating, shaming, guilt-tripping, humiliating, and withdrawing resources. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

7 " A controlled child also learns that the default human approach to interaction is forcing, threatening, or manipulating others. Alternatively, they may come to believe that they are “destined” to be a giver who never receives anything back. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

8 " Furthermore, the controlling caregiver possesses poor boundaries, if they have any at all. These poor boundaries set the child up for numerous failures in adult life. The controlled child is like a chess piece or toy soldier who is constantly moved around, picked up, put down, ordered to do this, ordered not to do that, commanded to feel this, and commanded not to feel that. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

9 " Meanwhile, infants and small children are exceptionally authentic beings because their emotional reactions and their thoughts are raw and honest. If they are happy, they smile, giggle, exclaim in pure joy, and feel excited, motivated, curious, and creative. If they are hurt, they cry, disengage, get angry, seek help and protection, and feel betrayed, sad, scared, lonely, and helpless. They don’t hide behind a mask. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

10 " ...the child cries because they need something. If the child had the ability to take care of the problem themselves, they wouldn’t cry. And if their crying is ignored, they start to feel helpless and frustrated because they can’t get what they need. They may even fear abandonment—or feel that their life is in danger because no one is coming to help them. Failing to meet a crying child’s needs also teaches the child that their needs and feelings are unimportant and even dangerous, and that they are bad and unworthy of love. "

― Darius Cikanavicius

11 " Children need their caregiver’s presence, interaction, connection, and emotional availability. Not only are these fundamental elements closely related to feelings of safety and security, they are also vital for a child’s healthy development. Since the child’s well-being depends on the bond between themselves and their caregiver, it is their caregiver’s responsibility to be very attentive both to their own selves and to their child. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

12 " The child of a controlling caregiver believes that there are always winners and losers in life, and that the winners have all the power and the losers must neglect their own senses, needs, and wants. The result is that they gain a deformed and inaccurate picture of the world—the only world they know. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

13 " A child needs to feel safe and protected, which means that their body, psyche, and belongings are safe and secure from violation. Because a child is helpless and dependent on their caregiver, they need a guardian in this predominantly unknown and sometimes scary and dangerous world. A child’s caregiver is responsible to fit the roles of safe haven and protector. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

14 " Crying is the primary way by which infants and small children convey their needs. Their cries can be from hunger, pain, fear, neglect, and many other things. It is the caregiver’s responsibility to correctly decipher these needs and then meet them. It is tragically common, however, that the child’s cries are so often ignored, misunderstood, and even taken as an "attack" on the caregiver, which may result in an active and brutal punishment of the child. "

― Darius Cikanavicius , Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults

15 " Ignoring a baby’s cries without addressing their needs can permanently harm them. All of these failures may lead a child to have post-traumatic stress disorder or any of the forms of panic disorder in their adulthood. "

― Darius Cikanavicius