Home > Author > Nick Pageant
1 " She's a lot more than nice," Gran said with a leer, "after our last date, I came home with my face looking like a glazed donut. That gal's juices are flowing. She must be on some kind of hormone replacement therapy. "
― Nick Pageant , Beauty and the Bookworm (Beauty and the Bookworm #1)
2 " I’ll read anything since I’m something of a book slut. "
3 " Thanks for the penis, God. I don’t have the balls to be a woman. "
4 " Somewhere along the way, I stopped living in the real world. I expected life to be like my books. I expected happily ever after out of every situation and when I didn’t get it, I’d just read another book. "
5 " Nothing says I love you like a pre- lubricated butthole. "
― Nick Pageant , Boo! (Beauty And The Bookworm, #2)
6 " Fine, Gran. I’ll fist his ass. "
7 " Besides, this story, my story, is a lot more interesting than some dried up old Russians. Why? This story has dicks, lots and lots of dicks. Oh, so now you’re interested? I should have put dick in the first line. "
8 " I like trees, they will someday be books. "
9 " I was on a kick of reading nothing but gay romance because I was in a bit of a sexual slump, unless you count reading one handed, if you do, I was having lots and lots of sex. "
10 " I held a beautiful leather-bound copy of Moby Dick in one hand and my Moby dick in the other. "
11 " Cardigans can be very sexy.”“Really? Go into the bathroom, stare into the mirror, then come back out here and tell me if you’d fuck yourself. "
12 " I was not raped! I had a boxing lesson! Are you both crazy? "
13 " No one ever spoke above a whisper in the staff lounge, but I felt the need to shush her anyway. I gave her my best librarian frown and put one finger to my lips. It works every time. We librarians are like practitioners of Jedi mind-control when it comes to shushing. "
14 " Can we all agree that the sexiest thing in the world is a nice ass in a jockstrap? Is there anything better in creation? I think not. "
15 " He also noticed me watching. “Gotta stretch after a run.” “Don’t I know it, ” I said, because, you know, I did attend gym class once upon a time. I eventually got out of it with a hard-won, totally bogus asthma diagnosis that placed me right where I wanted to be – the library. But I did remember the bit about stretching after a run. "
16 " I was one sexy, cardigan-clad HoMoFo. "
17 " I mean, are you even really gay?”I sighed. “Of course I’m gay. I’ve got something up my butt right now.”Twyla’s eyes widened in shock and her lips spread into a delighted grin. “You do? Oh, my God! What is it? Is it like a… place holder?”I shook my head and laughed into my hand. “There’s nothing up my butt. A placeholder? You’re nuts. "
18 " Whatever this guy was about to dish out, I was prepared to respond with, “Thank you, sir, and, may I have another? "
19 " my story, is a lot more interesting than some dried up old Russians. Why? This story has dicks, lots and lots of dicks. "
20 " One day a little old lady came and asked my name, saying she couldn’t read my nametag. I told her and reached for the little slip of paper she held, but she put it behind her back. It seemed she wanted to chat before giving it up. Fine with me. We chatted about our matching cardigans (the fact that I dress like a little old lady was not lost on me) and we chatted about how the Portland weather bothered her bones. We talked for a long while about her husband and how much she’d grown to hate him over the years. Then, since I guessed I’d earned her trust, she handed me her slip of paper. It was for a book on exotic poisons. I got her the book and spent the next few weeks scanning the obituaries for every old man that had died. So, yes, folks I may be an accomplice to murder. Don’t say there’s no excitement at the library. "
