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81 " I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don’t know won’t hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility. "
― Fran Lebowitz , The Fran Lebowitz Reader
82 " I open the refrigerator. I decide against the half a lemon and jar of Gulden’s mustard and on the spur of the moment choose instead to have breakfast out. I guess that’s just the kind of girl I am—whimsical. 5:10 "
83 " There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. "
― Fran Lebowitz
84 " Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn't make up yourself "
85 " I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "
86 " Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one’s home. "
87 " A salad is not a meal. It is a style. "
88 " If movies (or films, as you are probably now referring to them) were of such a high and serious nature, can you possibly entertain even the slightest notion that they would show them in a place that sold Orange Crush and Jujubes? "
89 " All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable. The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one’s soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive—you are leaking. "
90 " I must take issue with the term “a mere child,” for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. * "
91 " But alas, I do not rule the world and that, I am afraid, is the story of my life—always a godmother, never a God. "
92 " The downfall of most diets is that they restrict your intake of food. "
93 " Wondered briefly why listings always specify wood-burning fireplaces. Decided that considering the prices they’re asking, it’s probably just a warning device for those who might otherwise figure what the hell, and just burn money. "
94 " When annoyed at myself for taking it too easy I … Go on a low-carbohydrate diet. Read Emerson. Swim forty laps. Chop firewood. Wash the feet of the poor. "
95 " Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn’t make up yourself—a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen, when you are in the greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions. "
96 " Red is frequently associated with passion because it is the color of fire. Those who take this seriously need to be reminded there is such a thing as arson. "
― Fran Lebowitz , Metropolitan Life
97 " It is by this painstaking method of careful examination and eventual rejection that we reach a conclusion: life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep. Therefore, that which we call civilization is merely the accumulated debris of a chilling number of bad nights. "
98 " If you must give your child lessons, send him to driving school. He is far more likely to end up owning a Datsun than he is a Stradivarius. "
99 " If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Your life story would not make a good book. Do not even try. "
100 " Almost immediately upon entering the thirteenth year of life, a chubby little child becomes a big fat girl, and a boy previously spoken of as “small for his age” finds that he is, in reality, a boy who is short. "