Home > Author > Renee Engeln
1 " We preach body confidence, but we live in a culture that doesn’t quite know what to do with a woman who actually likes the way she looks. It’s considered arrogant and even unfeminine. Think of the recent hit One Direction song that made the claim that a woman was beautiful precisely because she didn’t know she was beautiful. We need to question a culture that tells women they must be beautiful to be loved, but that they shouldn’t actually feel beautiful or we’ll find them conceited. "
― Renee Engeln , Beauty Sick: How the Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women
2 " Beyond creating unrealistic ideals and distorting our idea of what women actually look like, media images of women do another type of damage as well. They are one of the main sources of the sexual objectification of women, constantly conveying that women's bodies exist for others to evaluate and use at will. When we see women portrayed as objects in media imagery, it's a reminder of how often women are valued only for their bodies. The message of these images is clear: You exist for being looked at. "
3 " Idealized media images of women are far from being the only important target when it comes to our beauty-sick culture, but their sheer ubiquity means we can't underestimate their impact. We also cannot pretend that what we see in the media doesn't shape our thoughts and behaviors. It might be tempting to think that your mind is locked behind some protective wall, safe from the influence of the media onslaught, but that's not how brains work. We are all affected by these images. Their influence is insidious, and there is no magic force field to keep it out. "
4 " Once when I was in graduate school, I got a terrible case of the flu and dropped a good deal of weight in a short amount of time. When I returned to campus, a professor said, “You look good! Did you lose weight?” When I responded that I had lost weight because I’d been seriously ill, she just shrugged and said, “Well, however it happened, looks good!” I remember that moment as such a clear example that much of what we claim to be health-based concern about other women’s weight is not at all. It’s nothing more than an ill-disguised bit of buy-in to a culture that says our worth is determined by our body size and that less is always more, no matter how we get there. "
5 " If you want to compliment a girl or woman, compliment her on something she can actually control. Reinforce the idea that being hardworking, focused, kind, creative, and generous matter. None of these qualities require any particular body shape or hairstyle. Tell her you notice how much effort she puts into the things she cares about. Tell her that you enjoy spending time with her because she is interesting. Tell her that she inspires you and then explain why or how. "
6 " Take a careful look around you the next time you’re walking in a crowded area. If you pay close attention, you’ll see women of myriad body shapes and sizes, hair colors, facial features, and ages. It’s easy to forget the actual landscape of women’s appearances, because the range of what we see in media is so narrow. "
7 " Chronic body monitoring is a ridiculous price to pay for fashion, but as women, we pay it all the time in dozens of different ways. I don’t want young women to feel shame about their bodies. I don’t want them to be called sluts when they wear what fashion moguls have decided to be the in style of the season. They should be able to wear whatever they are comfortable wearing. But how comfortable are they? We should have the freedom to dress how we see fit, but we should also have the freedom to be present in the moment. If we are to monitor ourselves, I want us to be able to monitor our thoughts and feelings, our desires and goals, not our appearance. "
8 " I want to apologize to all the women I have called beautiful before I've called them intelligent or braveI am sorry I made it sound as thoughsomething as simple as what you’re born withis all you have to be proud ofwhen you have broken mountains with your witfrom now on i will say things likeyou are resilient, or you are extraordinarynot because i don’t think you’re beautifulbut because i need you to knowyou are more than that. "
9 " They know what they see isn't real, but they still long for it. "
10 " I want to apologize to all the women i have called beautifulbefore I’ve called them intelligent or braveI am sorry I made it sound as thoughsomething as simple as what you’re born withis all you have to be proud ofwhen you have broken mountains with your witfrom now on I will say things likeyou are resilient, or you are extraordinarynot because I don’t think you’re beautifulbut because I need you to knowyou are more than that "
11 " when your little girl asks you if she’s pretty your heart will drop like a wineglass on the hardwood floor part of you will want to say of course you are, don’t ever question it and the other part the part that is clawing at you will want to grab her by her shoulders look straight into the wells of her eyes until they echo back to you and say you do not have to be if you don’t want to it is not your job "
