Home > Work > Damned Lies of the Dead 3D (Damned Lies 3)
1 " A ghost doesn't just move normally. They have this freaky way of zipping across the room. You see the ghost, you blink, and then it's suddenly behind you or up in your face and you scream and dig your nails into your boyfriend's knee and the he has marks there for like a week and I hope you're putting out for all that goddamn pain you put him through when you were the one who picked the movie even when you knew it was going to be scary. "
― Dennis Liggio , Damned Lies of the Dead 3D (Damned Lies 3)
2 " If things went poorly, I would slam into the glass at high velocity, smashing myself flat on the glass, then with a comical squeak I would slide down and off it, falling into the arms of countless zombies that want to hug and love me until my flesh was in their undead stomachs. "
3 " I have not become a vengeful spirit hellbent on destroying the lives of the living through carefully crafted deceit and rituals of unspeakable magic that will summon Nazi alien lizards from Antares who have structured their society around Norse myths and cappuccino. "
4 " Father Grigori had spent all day purifying himself at the hotel. When he arrived, he looked extra sparkly and squeaky clean to my ghost vision. He was dressed in his fanciest priest clothes and carried with him a black satchel. When he unpacked it, it seemed like a clown car full of holy water. I had no idea where all the bottles came from, surely that much holy water couldn't fit in that satchel. I wondered if he was going to load up a damn super soaker with it all and hose down the house with super righteous Jesus water. "
5 " It wasn't some cheap renaissance festival rip off crossbow, either. It was the finest that money could buy, so I wasn't sure why a college student had it. Fiberglass body, a red dot scope, recurve arms, carbon arrows, and a swanky camouflage paint job. It had so much and tech and moving parts, I expected it to transform into a highly intelligent robot and fight to save the world. "
6 " It was like diving into an icy cold lake that contained a rabid wolverine with dentures made of ice who had been given crack and told that you just pissed on its dead wolverine mother's grave. "
7 " Imagine mixing the deadliest traits of some of nature's greatest predators. Bear tigers? Panthers with scorpion stingers for tails? Apes that spun webs like spiders? Wolves with crab shells for defense? Dogs that shot bees from their mouths? Hyenas with kangaroo legs, monkey arms, and paralytic claws so that when they jump on you, they cling to you and paralyze you with their laughter (and claws)? "
8 " The dead were walking the Earth, survivors were beginning to fight amongst each other, and everything was collapsing. Chaos was rising. So of course this meant that things randomly exploded. "
9 " In the dark blackness of some cold dark hell, a man finds great power in himself... the power to be a raging jackass who is arrogant enough that he puts himself above everyone. Also usually murder ensues. I may be famously self centered, but I was not about to be some insufferable prig who gained asshole enlightenment in the eyes of a snake. "
10 " As I staggered towards him, he stepped backwards, avoiding my clumsy lunge. I stumbled towards him again, but he stepped back again. He didn't turn and run, he simply stepped out of my reach. It was like he was playing a game with me! Here I was burning, and he would neither help me nor allow me to kill him in a homicidal rage. How rude! "
11 " Bad things never stay bad. They always break on through to the other side and become much, much worse. "
12 " Dude, I think you need a good smoke," said Kody. "When the world has got you down, nothing works like a few puffs of KB to make you feel right as rain. "
13 " There should be a very formidable looking door in the room. It's got a text keypad on it. The answer is drawn from our experience. None of the clones should know it. Try not to mistype the answer. Get it wrong enough times and poison gas will flood the room, killing you." There was some whispering from off screen, causing Video Me to look over. "What? Really?" Video Me turned back to the screen. "Okay, turns out there's no poison gas, though I was promised poison gas. Anyway, get the code wrong long enough and the door won't open. You'll starve to death or some other horrible thing can happen. Maybe we'll have a death ray." More whispering from off screen. "Maybe we'll have a death ray," said Video Me tersely to the person off-screen. "
14 " Luckily, being dead had an advantage. I didn't have to actually take ever step. I could just looking at the next dune, intend to go there, and then find myself there. "
15 " I now had to walk everywhere rather than just deciding to go places. I admit I was disappointed about that part, since being a ghost had made me quite lazy. Stupid living people with their walking and stepping! "
16 " At this point I'd take my chances with nearly anyone if they got me off the batting cage. Even if this was the Sparkly Vampire Rescue & World Domination League, I was still getting in the damn helicopter. "
