Home > Work > Thud! (Discworld, #34; City Watch #7)

Thud! (Discworld, #34; City Watch #7) QUOTES

Thud! (Discworld, #34; City Watch #7) QUOTES

41 " It was the same book, every day. The pages of said book were rounded and soft where Young Sam had chewed them, but to one person in this nursery this was the book of books, the greatest story ever told. Vimes didn't need to read it any more. He knew it by heart.

It was called Where's My Cow?

The unidentified complainant had lost their cow. That was the story, really.

Page one started promisingly:

Where's my cow?

Is that my cow?

It goes, "Baa!"

It is a sheep! That's not my cow!

Then the author began to get to grips with their material:

Where's my cow?

Is that my cow?

It goes, "Neigh!"

It is a horse! That's not my cow!

At this point the author had reached an agony of creation and was writing from the racked depths of their soul.

Where's my cow?

Is that my cow?

It goes, "Hruuugh!"

It is a hippopotamus! That's not my cow!

This was a good evening. Young Sam was already grinning widely and crowing along with the plot.

Eventually, the cow would be found. It was that much of a pageturner. Of course, some suspense was lent by the fact that all other animals were presented in some way that could have confused a kitten, who perhaps had been raised in a darkened room. The horse was standing in front of a hatstand, as they so often did, and the hippo was eating at a trough against which was an upturned pitchfork. Seen from the wrong direction, the tableau might look for just one second like a cow ...

Young Sam loved it, anyway. It must have been the most cuddled book in the world.

Nevertheless, it bothered Vimes, even though he'd got really good at the noises and would go up against any man in his rendition of the "Hruuugh!" But was this a book for a city kid? When would he ever hear these noises? In the city the only sound those animals would make was "sizzle" But the nursery was full of the conspiracy, with baa-lambs and teddy bears and fluffy ducklings everywhere he looked. "

― Terry Pratchett , Thud! (Discworld, #34; City Watch #7)

42 " I thought vampires could rematerialize in their clothes," said Angua accusingly. "Otto Chriek can!"

"Females can't. We don't know why. It's probably part of the whole underwired-nightdress business. That's where you score again, of course. When you're in one hundred and fifty bat bodies, it's quite hard to remember to keep two of them carrying a pair of pants." Sally looked up at the ceiling, and sighed. "Look, I can see where this is going. It's going to be about Captain Carrot, isn't it . . . "

"I saw the way you were smiling at him!"

"I'm sorry! We can be very personable! It's a vampire thing!"

"You were so keen to impress him, eh!"

"And you aren't? He's the kind of many anyone would want to impress!"

They watched each other warily.

"He is mine, you know," said Angua, feeling the nascent claws strain under her fingernails.

"You're his, you mean!" said Sally. "You know it works like that. You trail after him."

"I'm sorry! It's a werewolf thing!" Anuga yelled.

"Hold it!" Sally thrust both hands in front of her in a gesture of peace. "There's something we'd better sort before this goes any further!"

"Yeah?"

"Yes. We're both wearing nothing, we're standing in what, you may have noticed, is increasingly turning into mud, and we're squaring up to fight. Okay. But there's something missing, yes?"

"And that is . . . ?"

"A paying audience? We could make a fortune." Sally winked. "Or we could do the job we came here to do. "

― Terry Pratchett , Thud! (Discworld, #34; City Watch #7)

43 " So when Angua strode into the main office, slamming the big doors back, and there was a derisory wolf-whistle, the unwise watchman found himself being pushed backwards until he was slammed against the wall. He felt two sharp points pressed against his neck as Angua growled, “You want a wolf, do you? Say ‘No, Sergeant Angua.’” “No, Sergeant Angua!” “You don’t? I was probably mistaken then, was I?” The points pressed a little harder. In the man’s mind, steely talons were about to pierce his jugular. “Couldn’t say for sure, Sergeant Angua!” “My nerves are a tad stretched right now!” Angua howled. “Hadn’t noticed, Sergeant Angua!” “We’re all a little bit on edge at the moment, wouldn’t you say!” “That’s ever so true, Sergeant Angua!” Angua let the man’s boot reach the ground. She put two black, shiny, and noticeably pointed heels into his unresisting hands. "

― Terry Pratchett , Thud! (Discworld, #34; City Watch #7)

44 " Is that you, Sergeant Angua?" said a voice in the gloom. A lantern was open, and lit the approaching face of Constable Visit. As he drew near, she could just make out the thick wad of pamphlets under his other arm.

"Hello, Washpot," she said. "What's up?"

"...looks like a twist of lemon..." said a damp voice from the shadows.

"Mister Vimes sent me to search the bars of iniquity and low places of sin for you," said Visit.

"And the literature?" said Angua. "By the way, the words "nothing personal" could have so easily been added to that last sentence. "

― Terry Pratchett , Thud! (Discworld, #34; City Watch #7)

45 " I’ve seen men die valiantly. There’s no future in it. "

― Terry Pratchett , Thud! (Discworld, #34; City Watch #7)

46 " The trouble was, the trolls up in the plaza probably weren't bad trolls, and the dwarfs down in the square probably weren't bad dwarfs, either. People who probably weren't bad could kill you. "

― Terry Pratchett , Thud! (Discworld, #34; City Watch #7)