Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself QUOTES

1 " Their manipulation is psychological and emotionally devastating – and very dangerous, especially considering the brain circuitry for emotional and physical pain are one and the same (Kross, 2011). What a victim feels when they are punched in the stomach can be similar to the pain a victim feels when they are verbally and emotionally abused, and the effects of narcissistic abuse can be crippling and long-lasting, even resulting in symptoms of PTSD or Complex PTSD. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

2 " To any survivor who may be doubting whether what they’ve experienced is truly abuse, remember that emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse will never be, and should never be, considered part of the messy equation of a normal relationship. As both metal health professionals and survivors can attest to, the traumatic highs and lows of being with a narcissist, a sociopath, or a psychopath are not the natural highs and lows of regular relationships. That suggestion is quite damaging to society and to survivors all around the world. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

3 " (a quote from a survivor)
Information was key. Once you begin waking up to what has been happening around you the whole time you can begin stopping the cycle which angers the Narcissist to an interesting boiling point "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

4 " A child that’s being abused by its parents doesn’t stop loving its parents, it stops loving itself. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

5 " The fact of the matter is, if you haven’t been in an abusive relationship, you don’t really know what the experience is like. Furthermore, it’s quite hard to predict what you would do in the same situation. I find that the people most vocal about what they would’ve done in the same situation often have no clue what they are talking about – they have never been in the same situation themselves.
By invalidating the survivor’s experience, these people are defending an image of themselves that they identify with strength, not realizing that abuse survivors are often the strongest individuals out there. They’ve been belittled, criticized, demeaned, devalued, and yet they’ve still survived. The judgmental ones often have little to no life experience regarding these situations, yet they feel quite comfortable silencing the voices of people who’ve actually been there. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

6 " Dissociation leaves us disconnected from our memories, our identities and our emotions. It breaks the trauma into digestible components, so that different aspects of the trauma get stored in different compartments in our brain. What happens as a result is that the information from the trauma becomes disorganized and we are not able to integrate these pieces into a coherent narrative and process trauma fully until, hopefully, with the help of a validating, trauma-informed counselor who guides us to the appropriate therapies best suited to our needs, we confront the trauma and triggers in a safe place. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

7 " What’s important to remember is that while human beings in general can engage in toxic behaviors from time to time, abusers use these manipulation tactics as a dominant mode of communication. Toxic people such as malignant narcissists, psychopaths and those with antisocial traits engage in maladaptive behaviors in relationships that ultimately exploit, demean, and hurt their intimate partners, family members, and friends. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

8 " People pleasing does make it easier to ignore the red flags of abusive relationships at the very early stages especially with covert manipulators. We can also become conditioned to continually “please” if we’re used to walking on eggshells around our abuser. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

9 " (a quote from a survivor)
Read up on the psychology of abuse. Listen to music. Being alone to process without chatter. Usually outside doing something physical, doing these things helps you believe you CAN do anything. Share my story without shame. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

10 " Blameshifting and projecting their malignant traits onto their partners during conversations while using a false charismatic self to make their victims look like the "crazy" ones. It’s almost as if they hand off their own traits and shortcomings to their victims as if to say, “Here, take my pathology. I don’t want it. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

11 " Narcissists do not choose us because we are like them; they choose us because we are the light to their darkness; regardless of any of our vulnerabilities, we exhibit the gorgeous traits of empathy, compassion, emotional intelligence and authentic confidence that their fragile egotism and false mask could never achieve. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

12 " So for those who think abuse survivors can simply logically process their situation and get out of and over the situation easily, think again. The parts of our brain that deal with planning, cognition, learning, and decision-making become disconnected with the emotional parts of our brain – they can cease to talk to each other when an individual becomes traumatized. It usually takes a great deal of effort, resources, strength, validation, addressing wounding on all levels of body and mind, for a survivor to become fully empowered to begin to heal from this form of trauma. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

13 " Narcissists gaslight you so you begin to gaslight yourself into thinking what you are feeling, hearing, seeing and experiencing isn’t true. A narcissistic partner can manipulate you into thinking that perhaps that hurtful comment really was just a joke and that their infidelity was just a one-time thing. Many of these partners engage in pathological lying and rewrite reality on a daily basis to suit their needs and to conceal their manipulative agenda. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

14 " Narcissistic abusers first idealize their partners, flattering them excessively, giving them all sorts of attention in the form of constant texts and gifts. They share secrets and stories with you to create a special bond; this technique also enables you to feel as if you can share your deepest insecurities and desires with them. Later, they will use your disclosure as ammunition and pick at your weak spots to regain a sense of psychological control. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

15 " Gaslighting their partners into believing the abuse isn't real by denying, minimizing or rationalizing the abuse. This includes deflecting any conversations about accountability using circular conversations and word salad in order to avoid being held accountable for their actions. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

16 " Triangulation Healthy relationships thrive on security; unhealthy ones are filled with provocation, uncertainty and infidelity. Narcissists like to manufacture love triangles and bring in the opinions of others to validate their point of view. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

17 " In the book Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie, the method of triangulation is discussed as a popular way the narcissist maintains control over your emotions. Triangulation consists of bringing the presence of another person into the dynamic of the relationship, whether it be an ex-lover, a current mistress, a relative, or a complete stranger. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

18 " The narcissist cultivated your need for his or her validation and approval early on in the idealization phase. By making you dependent on his or her praise, they conditioned you to seek the excessive admiration that only they could dole out. Now, as they devalue you, they use your need for validation to their advantage by withdrawing frequently, appearing sullen at every opportunity, and converting every generous thing you do for them as a failure on your part that falls short of their ludicrous expectations. Nothing can meet their high standards and everything wrong will be pointed out. In fact, even the things they do wrong shall be pinned on you. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

19 " along. See, narcissists don’t truly feel empathy for others – so during the discard phase, they often feel absolutely nothing for you except the excitement of having exhausted another source of supply. You were just another source of narcissistic supply, so do not fool yourself into thinking that the magical connection that existed in the beginning was in any way real. It "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

20 " Their manipulation is psychological and emotionally devastating – and very dangerous, especially considering the brain circuitry for emotional and physical pain are one and the same (Kross, 2011). What a victim feels when they are punched in the stomach can be similar to the pain a victim feels when they are verbally and emotionally abused, and the effects of narcissistic abuse can be crippling and long-lasting, even resulting in symptoms of PTSD or Complex PTSD. "

― , Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself