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1 " Sometimes you have to reclaim it," he mutters. "Because it gets rubbed in your face either way. "
― Austin Chant , Coffee Boy
2 " If he's being honest, half the reason he studied politics in college was because he liked the drama. "
3 " Classic Marcus. Just hate yourself less and success will find you. "
4 " Kieran could gracefully accept his apology. Or he could open his fucking mouth, and guess which one he does. "
5 " I guess I think of it as what we called each other in college when we didn't want to use gay to refer to everyone who's not straight and cisgender."Seth ducks his head. "I understand that. It doesn't bother me so much when other people talk about the community, about themselves. I suppose, since I didn' come out until I was older, I just never had much of a chance for positive associations with being called queer. "
6 " Can we not? That's all Kieran can muster, for a moment. Seth pauses, staring at him, startled and expectant. Kieran swallows and fumbles for politer words. "You know -like- if you get a splinter or something, it doesn't hurt until you sucking press on it?""Ah," Seth says. "
7 " He's not the absolute best at wearing a fake smile or pretending to be excited about taking people's orders, but one thing does give him staying power: he's really good at not caring. His managers have never exactly declared him their favorite employee, but they do praise his attitude, which is funny because no one else ever has. "
8 " That's okay," he offers. "I mean, you don't have to want to be called that."Seth offers him a halfway smile. "I like to think so. It does feel cowardly at times.""Cowardly?""Some people seem so confident in reclaiming everything that's ever been thrown at them. "
9 " There's nothing he can do about it. Because who he is means that no matter what, any kind of success will only set him up for being seen, being dissected. "
10 " It's way better to cut himself off from the possibility of success. Make a token effort and squander what opportunity he has so he can say that he tried and failed- he wasn't cut out for it. "
11 " Kieran lets it out, in careful, clipped sentences so people sitting at tables nearby won't notice that he's on the verge of crying, in language so detached that he could be talking about someone else. In a quiet voice, not the voice he uses to mouth off at his superiors, not the way he talks to his friends, but maybe the way he'd talk to someone who could help. "
12 " Okay. I'll, uh... I'll come in for some extra hours some other time. Could you tell Marcus I was sick or something, not that I'm-" Having some kind of disproportionate emotional collapse because somebody asked if I was okay? "
13 " Admittedly, he spends the next six hours watching cooking dramas on Netflix and eating an entire pint of ice cream, but that's his standard self-care routine. "
14 " I went through this whole phase where I wanted to watch every gay movie. I didn't realize I was queer till college, so I had a lot of time to make up. But that got old, so now I-" Kieran cringes. "Watch a lot of cartoons? I know, I could stand to get out more. "