41
" You were broken before I ever took you to the Everneath.Remember how you were when you showed up on my doorstep? That had nothing to do with me.You came broken and that was the fault of this world.Not mine."
I nodded again,a little less aggressively. "Why do you care if I get hurt?"
All he said was, "I hate to see it.Whether you go with me or not,I don't like you getting hurt." But his face seemed to say more.As if there were something he wasn't telling me.
Before I could ask him about it,his iPhone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out,read the screen, and then walked over to the window. "We'll finish this later."
"Tell me why you care," I said.
He put his hands on the windowsill. "Because it's you. Despite what you think of me,your pain will always be my pain."
"There has to be more to it than that. What aren't you telling me,Cole?"
He grinned. "How are you so good at reading me when you can't read anyone else around you?" He sighed, and as he climbed out the window,he said, "I love it. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
43
" SOPHOMORE YEAR
Before he was mine and I was his...
"You weren't in the lunchroom today," Jack said, coming up behind me at my locker. "Jules says you're never in the cafeteria on Wednesdays."
I tried to calm the flush to my cheeks before I turned around to face him. My crush on Jack was getting ridiculous. Pretty soon I would be nonverbal.Just because he noticed,for the first time, that I wasn't at lunch,it didn't mean anything.
I tried to keep my tone light. "Sounds like you guys had a very intriguing conversation."
"Oh,we did." Jack fell into step beside me,and we walked down the hallway at a slower pace than everyone around us. "She said you avoid the cafeteria on Wednesdays.And she said you like me."
I heard myself gasp,and I came to a stop.
I'm gonna kill Jules, I thought.
"So,is it true?" Jack said.
I could barely hear him with the crashing waves in my ears.I started to turn away,embarrassed,but Jack stepped sideways so he was in front of me, and there was nowhere else I could look.
"Is it true?" he asked again.
"Yes.I hate hot-dog Wednesdays, so I don't go to the lunchroom.It's true."
"That's not what I meant,Becks."
"I know."
"Tell me.Is it true? Do you like me?"
I tried to roll my eyes,and promptly forgot how.So I just looked at the ceiling. "You know I like you. You're one of my best friends."
"Friends," Jack repeated.
"Of course."
"Good friends?"
I nodded.
"More than friends?"
I didn't say anything. I didn't move. Jack reached toward my hand and tugged gently on my fingers. The movement was so small,I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't felt it.
He leaned forward and said, "Tell me, friend.Is there more for us?"
I looked into his eyes. "There's everything for us. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
45
" That looks cozy," I said in a timid voice.
He turned at the sound and-taking in my appearance-immediately spit hot chocolate all over.
"What?" I demanded.
With an obvious effort to compose himself, he forced his lips into a frown and wiped his chin with the back of his hand. "Breathtaking."
I raised an eyebrow,and his lips started to quiver, and then there was no stopping him. The laughter came in waves.
"Well,that's not exactly the reaction I was going for," I said.
"Isn't it?" he said, gasping for breath.
I put my hand on my hip and tapped my foot as he inhaled deeply and rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand. "Finished?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I love you."
"I'm sorry?"
"You heard me." He stood and walked toward me.
I glanced down at my sweats,and then back at his face. "Did you not notice my getup?"
He halved the distance between us. "Oh yeah. I noticed," he said,like it was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. His lips curled up into a smile.
"Okay,so that's not the reaction I was going for either," I said,taking a small step backward as he closed the gap between us.
He grabbed my hands in his and his grin disappeared. "Becks.I think I know what you're worried about,but I meant what I said.I love you. And I would never push you."
My entire body turned red. "But don't you mythological higher beings-" I tried to remember how Jules had put it-"need...the...um..."
Jack looked confused,and then he chuckled. "Please don't even try to finish that sentence. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
46
" Jack was behind it,waiting, with the corner of his lip pulled up in not quite a smile. "What?" he demanded.
"What what?" I asked.
He held my note up in front of my face. "What do you remember?"
Everything. But I couldn't tell him that. I shrugged and said, "Things." Then I made a move to leave,but Jack's strong arm blocked my way,his hand pressing against the locker behind my back.
"No you don't.You can't leave a note like this"-he waved the paper-"and then say 'things.' I want to know what, exactly, you remember."
People in the hallway stared and I could feel my face going red. Jack noticed, and put his other arm up against the lockers,blocking me in. My pulse went nuts.It had to be visible on my wrists.
Jack's face was inches from mine. His breath was minty, and I could smell the rustic scent of his aftershave,and whatever strong emotion he was feeling, it tasted sweet. I breathed it in, and the inhalation was embarrassingly loud.
His eyes searched mine. "This is the first opening you've given me, and I'm not letting you get out of it." He paused. "What do you remember?"
I looked behind him, at the curious spectators, and squinted my eyes shut, unable to bear the scrutiny anymore.
"Say something,Becks. Say anything."
"You," I said. "I remember you." I kept my eyes shut,and felt his hands drop. He didn't move back.
"What do you remember about me?" There was strong emotion behind his voice. Something he fought to control.
With my eyes closed,I could easily picture the other side of the century.
"I remember the way your hand could cover my entire shoulder. The way your lower lip stuck out when you were working out a problem in your head. And how you flick you ring finger with your thumb when you get impatient."
I opened my eyes,and the words no longer got stuck in my throat on their way out. They flowed. "And when something surprises you and you don't know what to say,you get a tiny wrinkle in between your eyebrows." I reached up to touch the divot,then hesitated and lowered my hand. "It showed on the day the coach told you you'd made first-string quarterback.And it's showing now."
For a moment the space between us held no tension,no questions, no accusations.
Finally he leaned back, a stunned expression on his face. "Where do we go from here?"
"Nowhere,really," I whispered. "It doesn't change anything."
Eyebrows still drawn together, he said, "We'll see." Then he turned and left.
I tucked this moment away.
In the dark,dank world of the Tunnels, I would call upon this memory. And there would be a flicker of candlelight. If only for a moment.
I closed my eyes,as if my eyelids were the levers of a printing press,etching the fibers into my mind.Memories were outside Cole's reach.As long as I held them,memories were mine and mine alone. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
51
" Cole, do you feel anything for me?" I don't know what made me ask this, except that Jack had asked him the night of the Tunnels. It obviously surprised him.
He backed up. "What?"
I inched forward, not quite sure I was going with this. "Do you feel...something for me?"
He was quiet, still as a statue, so I moved even closer.
"Don't, Nik." His gaze dropped to the ground.
"If you feel anything, please leave me alone. I don't know why I survived. I don't have your answer. Shadowing me will get you nothing."
Then he did something unexpected. He backed down, and as he turned around to his motorcycle, he shook his head and mumbled, "What have you done to me?"
"I don't know," I said. "But you have ninety-nine years to figure it out."
He kicked it on and revved the engine, and at the sound, he found his cocky smirk again. "That's a long time, Nik. Jack is gone, and I'm here. Let's see who gives up first. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
53
" Do you get it now,Becks?" Jack wrapped a finger around a long strand of my hair, and we were quiet as it slipped through his grip.
"You haven't moved on?"
He chuckled. "I have a lifetime of memories made up of chestnut wars and poker games and midnight excursions and Christmas Dances...It's all you. It's only ever been you.I love you." The last part seemed to escape his lips unintentionally, and afterward he closed his eyes and put his head in his hands,as if he had a sudden headache. "I've gotta not say that out loud."
The sight of how messed up he was made me want to wrap my arms around him and fold him into me and cushion him from everything that lay ahead.
Instead,I reached for his hand. Brought it to my lips. Kissed it.
He raised his head and winced. "You shouldn't do that," he said, even though he didn't pull his hand away.
"Why?"
"Because...it'll make everything worse...If you don't feel-"
His voice cut off as I kissed his hand again, pausing with his fingers at my lips. He let out a shaky sigh and his hair flopped forward. Then he looked at my lips for a long moment. "What if...?"
I bit my lower lip. "What?"
"What if we could be like this again?" He leaned in closer with a smile, and as he did,he said, "Are you going to steal my soul?"
"Um...it's not technically your soul that..."
I couldn't finish my sentence. His lips brushed mine, and I felt the whoosh of transferring emotions,but it wasn't as strong as the last time. The space inside me was practically full again. The Shades were right. Six months was just long enough to recover.
He kept his lips touching mine when he asked, "Is it okay?"
Okay in that I wasn't going to suck him dry anymore. Not okay in that my own emotions were in hyperdrive. Only our lips touched.Thankfully there was space between us everywhere else.
He took my silence to mean it was safe. We held our lips together, tentative and still.
But he didn't let it stay that casual for long.He pressed his lips closer, parting his mouth against mine. I shivered,and he put his arms around me and pulled me closer so that our bodies were touching in so many places.
He pulled back a little.His breath was on my lips.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I dreamed of you every night." He briefly touched his lips to mine again. "It felt so real.And when I'd wake up the next morning,it was like your disappearance was fresh. Like you'd left me all over again."
I lowered my chin and tucked my head into his chest. "I'm sorry."
He sighed and tightened his grip around me. "It never got easier.But the dreams themselves." I felt him shake his head. "It's like I had a physical connection to you. They were so real. Every night,you were in my room with me. It was so real."
I tilted my head back so I could face him again, realizing for the first time how difficult it must've been for Jack. I kissed his chin, his cheek, and then his lips. "I'm sorry," I said again.
He shook his head. "It's not your fault I dreamed of you, Becks.I just want to know if it was as real as it felt."
"I don't know," I said. But I told him about the book I'd read on Orpheus and Eurydice, and my theory that it was her connection to Orpheus that saved her. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
54
" Look,Nik.I can't lose you. We can be partners.With you by my side,and with the band backing us,we could take over. I want you by my side in the High Court?"
"What does that even mean? We'd be...together? Like, together, together?"
Cole gave a sly smile. "We'd rule hand in hand. And as far as being together, we'd be as together as you'd allow."
Annoyingly,my cheeks got all warm, and I turned away, frustrated at my reaction. I stood and went over to my desk chair to sit down.
Cole chuckled. He pushed himself off the floor and walked closer to me,and the Shade at my shoulder pulled toward him. I wanted to hit it.
"Stay over there," I said.
"Why?" He held his hands up, all innocent-like. "Does my nearness affect you? That's what happens when you spend a century with someone. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
55
" Jack,I've messed up enough of you life.There's nothing you can do about Cole.I'll handle him. You don't have to-"
"Enough,Becks.This is what friends do. Before we got together, we were friends, remember? The friendship is still there,isn't it?"
I didn't say anything for a moment. It was so much more than friendship on my side. Despite everything,I'd never stopped loving him.
"Isn't it,Becks? I mean,you didn't completely forget about me in the Everneath,did you?"
"No." Wasn't it obvious on my face? That he was the only thing I remembered? My memories of Jack should've been etched on my skin by now, for all the world to see.
"Okay.Friends talk.Friends help each other."
I nodded.
"Friends don't eat friends' souls."
I smiled. "Got it."
"Can I ask you something else?"
"Of course."
"Why did you finally decide to tell me the truth?"
I traced my finger along the lip of my coffee mug. "It's probably nothing, but Cole seems anxious to keep me away from you in particular. I wanted to see how he'd react, and maybe that would give me an idea as to why."
He grimaced. "I have an idea."
"What?"
"He's in love with you."
I wrinkled my forehead. "No he's not. He's not capable."
Jack leaned forward. "Trust me, Becks. I know exactly what loving you looks like on a person.And he loves you."
My face went warm and I looked away. If only Jack were talking about now,and not before. I shook my head. "There has to be something more to it."
Jack put his chin on the palm of his hand. "Well,let's find out."
"How?"
Jack raised his eyes to meet mine, a shy little smile on his face, so different from his usual confident grin. "We'll spend time together. And let Cole know it. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
56
" I pushed his hair away from his eyes and took a closer look at his cheek. Maybe there really had been a boy in the street, but I also wouldn't put it past Cole to make one appear,if he had that power.
Jack's eyes opened fully,and he looked at me with half a grin. "You remember the first time I told you I loved you?" His words slurred together.
"Shhhhh.Don't talk.The paramedics are on their way."
"Do you?"
I touched his cheek and he winced. I could almost taste his pain,as if it were a tangible element in the air.I could feel my body hungering for the hurt.It was the first time since I'd Returned that I craved someone else's energy.Even at my lowest point,those last moments in the Everneath,I'd never felt a need for it.Until now.Until I was faced with emotions this strong.
He tilted his head toward me,and I jerked back. The taste in the air became bitter and sweet,a mixture of pain and longing.
"Tell me you remember," he said. "Please. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
57
" Hey,Nik."
I turned around to see Cole, dressed head to toe in black. Black suit, black shirt,black tie hanging loose around his neck.
He looked me up and down. His gaze paused briefly on my legs, and his mouth opened slightly. I folded my arms.
"Um...you...look beautiful," he said.
"You look black," I replied.
"Thank you.That's the look I was going for." He held a hand out. "C'mon. Let's dance."
I didn't move. "What were you going to show me?"
"Dance with me first."
I shook my head.
"Look,Nik, I know you don't like public scrutiny lately. If you stand off to the side,all mopey and such, without a date,you'll stick out like a nun at a strip club." He leaned in. "Trust me, I've seen one. A nun at a strip club, that is.Everyone was staring at her. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
58
" Jack took me to the Christmas Dance.
It snowed the day of the dance, making the Meier Farmhouse and Dance Hall look like something out of a painting, the lights on the roof glowing under sheets of white. And when Jack led me onto the dance floor and grasped one of my hands and tugged it up behind his neck, then placed his arm around my back, soft and low, I thought life couldn't get better.
He pulled me close against him, our hands clasped next to his chest.The cedar from the farmhouse mingled with Jack's aftershave,making a sweet, rustic scent.
"Becks,remember the first time we met?" he asked,his lips grazing my ear.
Of course I remembered. The events of that day were permanently etched into my brain. "You mean,the time you nearly beheaded me with a baseball?"
"I had to do something to get the new girl's attention."
"A simple 'hello' would have worked."
He pulled me in tighter, as if that were possible. "Why did we wait so long to do this?"
"Um, because you were making your way through the entire cheerleading squad?"
He looked at me for a few moments, then shook his head and leaned in to brush his lips along my shoulder.
I closed my eyes. If this was what I could expect for the rest of my high school years,I never wanted to graduate.
Ever. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
59
" Making your own T-shirts? Don't you have people for that?" I asked. "Like professionals?"
"Well,I usually travel with an army of professional T-shirt makers, but today I thought I'd go it alone."
Jack didn't take his eyes off me as Cole spoke. I wasn't sure he was even listening,or aware Cole was there.
"What are the screens for?" I asked.
"Elvis Presley as a corpse.You wanna come look?" Cole gave me a grin as if he'd just asked if I wanted to see rainbows being made.
"You had me at 'corpse.'"
Jack chuckled. "Saying good-bye here. Remember?"
I turned to Jack, rose up on my tiptoes, and kissed his lips lightly. "Two weeks,Jack. It'll fly by."
I started to back up,but Jack grabbed my hand and pulled me close. "No you don't," he said. "The corpse can wait."
He gave me a kiss that was not quite appropriate for public view,and I would've been embarrassed if I hadn't lost the ability to think straight. His arms reached around my back,and he pulled me in tight against him so that my feet were barely touching the ground. And things started disappearing around us,just like they did every time Jack kissed me.
He pulled back. "What were you saying about two weeks?"
"That it will feel like forever," I said, breathless.
"That's better." Jack lowered his head so his forehead was touching mine. "Miss you."
"Miss you too," I whispered. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
60
" I decided to write a myth."
"Have you figured out a topic? A moral conundrum?"
"Yes."
"What is it?"
I heard Jack's chair creak.
"It's about how there's no such thing as redemption," I whispered. "How you deserve what you get,and no higher power can save you."
Mrs. Stone didn't answer immediately. The only sound in the room came from my own breathing. "What about heroes?"
I hunched over and scribbled a few lines on my notebook. "There are no heroes." Sure,it wasn't an optimistic paper,but it was the only thing I could write passionately about.
She was quiet for a moment again. When she spoke,her voice was gentle. "Okay. I'm excited to see what you put together."
I nodded.
"And,Mr. Caputo? Everything going well with the personal essay?"
I could only assume he nodded, because Mrs. Stone returned to the front of the classroom. My right hand started to tremble,and I clenched my pencil and began scribbling.
"You don't really believe that, do you?" Jack's voice was soft.
I lifted my head, allowing my eyes to meet his for the first time in weeks. "It doesn't matter what I believe." I looked down at my notebook.
"Wait," he said.
I turned back. "What?"
He shrugged,then spoke in a low murmur. "Just stop hiding behind your hair for a minute."
I closed my eyes,but I didn't turn away. "You're making things difficult, Jack Caputo," I whispered.
"At least you remember my name."
I remembered everything. The first time he called me his girlfriend. The first time he told me he loved me. The first time I started to question whether or not I'd be able to hold on to him.The first time I knew I had to come back to see him again, at whatever cost. "
― Brodi Ashton , Everneath (Everneath, #1)
