Home > Work > The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
1 " For most of us, there are multiple attachment experiences, and picturing these pairings of the connections offered by others and the adaptions made by us may illuminate the complexities of current relational experience. "
― , The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
2 " Joshua is one of the people who taught me about respecting pace, particularly when it is very slow. I do believe we all heal as quickly as we can given the co-integrating nature of our embodied brains, so when the process unfolds very slowly, it often speaks to us of the magnitude of what is coming [emerging to be healed]. "
3 " Over the years I have come to realize we just can't know how or when resolution will come ...As a dedicated follower, I have been privleged to witness and support the wisdom that emerges ...I expect to be surprised by what the next people will teach me as they pursue their unique path towards resolution and open to inhabiting their inherent health. "
4 " Moving slowly, listening, noticing when my own intentions are trying to take over, and pausing in that moment have so often proved to be the most respectful and effective path of healing. "
5 " the presence or absence of reflection of our state can make the difference between whether fear and pain embed or are able to integrate, even if the circumstances don't change.As our people come to us for help with traumas that did embed for lack of companionship, it is our reflection of them in their state in the moment that offers enough safety for them to become vulnerable to remembering . This is the core of our practice of following, to ... be available to take in and reflect back what our people bring, with no impulse to fix or change anything. This is so counter to what we are mostly taught in our training and what our culture tells us is the path to healing. Yet the wisdom of the relational neurobiology we have been studying and our felt-sense experience repeatedly point us in this direction. "
6 " Following is about linking with another and keeping that one in the center of flowing awareness, which is exactly what the right hemisphere has the potential to do beautifully. In fact, we may best begin by following our own internal movement as it arises in the presence of the other person. "
7 " At moments of deep uncertainty, I find that I sometimes jump the tracks into taking control, and in those moments, if I can move back toward following, the process often finds its own feet again. All of this has gradually led me to believe that letting go of expectations about the outcome of therapy as much as possible gives the process the most room to show itself. "
8 " emotional regulation flows naturally from being in the presence of someone we trust "
9 " Our infant muscles let go and mold to the shape of our mother's bodies when we are securely held. Our bodies learn the meaning of the sensations of hunger and thirst from the interpersonal sweetness of our need being seen, met and satisfied by our mother as food is offered. We take in her attentiveness along with the nourishment, and this shapes our openness to all kinds of nurturance throughout our lives.Our hearts beat more slowly and our amygdalae calm when she is in a ventral state, her presence reassuring us of the possibility of safety in connection. "
10 " approval... often brings anxiety lest we not be able to repeat the desired behavior. "
11 " How we are seen can literally call parts of us into existence and shape new selves in the image of the one seeing us. "
12 " We are never too old or too wounded to receive healing waves of the personal delight of another. ... at its best, it transcends being delighted with a particular happening and is instead the reflection to us, and often to one another, of an enduring bond that is bigger than any single occurrence between us. When we are small and see that look on our parents faces, there is such an affirmation that we are good, lovable, welcome. These experiences go deep into us and become an implicit foundation for drawing in warm companions throughout our lives. "
13 " The seminal work of Stephen Porges ... suggests that presence becomes possible when there is a felt sense of safety ... When we are in the role of practitioner, if our autonomic nervous system is receiving what it needs to have a neuroception of safety (our system's felt sense, below the level of conscious awareness, that we are safe) then our social engagement system (the ventral vagal parasympathetic) will be alive in the room as our patients arrive.In this state, we become a potentially safe landing strip for them. When we are able to offer this safe haven, the possibility of the other person moving toward a similar felt sense of safety awakens the healing space between us through resonance. "
14 " When we talk about cultivating a nonjudgemental, agendaless space between, we might easily believe this means we are passively present. Quite the contrary. We are dynamically awake in the midst of the inner stillness and receptivity, attending to and following what is emerging in our people. "
15 " We are deeply sensitive to one another's presence "
16 " We were holding this together, and our joined windows of tolerance seemed able to contain the physical and emotional intensity. Witnessing and empathizing at the same time, it seemed we were able to bring some ventral presence to this world. "
17 " On reflection now, it seems to me she was already telling me what she needed most--a place to settle in proximity, safety, warmth and quiet because she had none of that as a child. "
18 " I notice that when the other person has been in despair for a prolonged period, I begin to feel myself crumbling into discouragement internally. One of the ways my system seeks to protect both me and the other person is to activate into helpful doing. Even though it is a psuedo-engagement, the intent is to shelter both of us from being engulfed in despair. "
19 " recognizing the injury in all of us and cultivating our capacity for nonjudgmental presence, an ever-evolving process. "
20 " All of us develop the protections our implicit memories need to keep what are perceived to be worse dangers from us. ... Our initial work is ... about respectfully acknowledging that our people's system is acting wisely in this moment, no matter what it looks like on the outside. Holding this firmly in our own body, heart and mind is of inestimable benefit to those who come to us. "
