Home > Work > When You Were Pixels (Syntax #0.1)
1 " You let me set the water in the shower, and followed me into the booth to stand there with me under the warm spray. You kept your head down, not looking me in the eyes—though if you were shy, I couldn’t tell. You had no reason to be. You know what you look like.I know you don’t remember what we did.I want to tell you. "
― Julio Alexi Genao , When You Were Pixels (Syntax #0.1)
2 " The second day, I watched you suffer through one of your nightmares, but this one was worse than I’d seen before. You called out another man’s name. "
3 " That’s why I was calm. When you woke me in the middle of the night with your hand around my throat, and I thought I was going to die for bringing you home—that I had given my life to lie down next to a murderer—that’s why I was calm.Because all I was thinking in that moment was that it was worth it. "
4 " My skin hungered for you. You were warm, and alive, and in my bed, and I wanted you so bad I could feel the ripple of need on the pads of my fingertips, on the palms of my hands, on the skin of my back, at the base of my cock, inside my ass—I wanted the taste of you in my mouth. "
5 " I watched you roll off me and step away from the bed in silence, but when the heat of your body was gone, I wanted it back. "
6 " I wanted to take your hand into mine and kiss it.I never dared. "
7 " Not your distress. Never that. I loved— I loved being there. Next to you. The pile of limbs that was Us. Together in the same bed. Even if it meant waking up with a few new bruises. "
8 " I gave you all my secrets, and you lost them all. You lost a lot of things.But the treasure of it was in the giving, not the keeping. "
9 " I couldn’t make myself move from the bed. To reach for you. I’d known this moment was coming, and now that it had arrived I found I had no strength in my limbs.Only my voice. Only words.Asking you to stay. "
10 " I loved you even when you forgot me.And—for a little while—you loved me back. "
11 " I know you’ve forgotten me, but I’ll remember you as long as I live. "
12 " You were the monster, but all I could see was the boy. "
13 " You won't remember me. You won't need me anymore.You will leave me again.I forgive you. I forgave you. I will always forgive you.You should know that for a little while, you were not alone.Not alone.I loved you when you were pixels on a screen. "
14 " For one unbelievable moment, the emptiness— the ache —that terrible hollow of desolation I’d lived with all this time was just – gone. "
15 " They’d come for you, and this time they’d come with weapons.I was afraid of that. For you. But not of you.Never afraid of you. "
16 " You’re safe, here.”“But you are not,” you whispered. “Not ever. I forget. I forget and then I’ll—I could kill you.” When I didn’t reply, you dropped your head again.I almost missed it when you murmured, “I always kill them, in the end. "
17 " You should know that for a little while, you were not alone.Not alone. "
18 " All the enormous machines that keep full Citizens comfortable far above us in their glittering towers, all the infrastructure of power, of fuel, of commerce and industry—all of it happens below. Made possible with our hands. With our bodies.With our lives.I would have done anything to escape.I got my chance. I made it out—but the price was loneliness. "
19 " I’d removed all but my underclothes, that night I took you home. Took off all the drab corporate synthetics as if stripping my armor to uncover the vulnerable man I was underneath it.The man who needed to be near you.I’d pressed my back into your solid length, eyes wet as I fell asleep.That’s why I was calm. "
20 " It's like a—like a video panel, you know that? Your face. I don’t think you realize how much of what happens inside you that can be seen in your face.Maybe it was just me. I paid attention to you. "
