26
" She took no pleasure from the very things I loved, from her size, her amplitude, her luscious, zaftig heft. As many times as I told her she was beautiful, I know that she never believed me. As many times as I said it didn’t matter, I knew that to her it did. I was just one voice, and the world’s voice was louder. I could feel her shame like a palpable thing, walking beside us on the street, crouched down between us in a movie theater, coiled up and waiting for someone to say what to her was the dirtiest word in the world: fat. "
― Jennifer Weiner , Good in Bed (Cannie Shapiro, #1)
27
" I always wondered, though, what the fathers felt as they drove up the street they used to drive down every night, and whether they really saw their former houses, whether they noticed how things got frayed and flaky around the edges now that they were gone. I wondered it again as I pulled up to the house I’d grown up in. It was, I noticed, looking even more Joad-like than usual. Neither my mother nor the dread life partner, Tanya, was much into yard work, and so the lawn was littered with drifts of dead brown leaves. The gravel on the driveway was as thin as an old man’s hair combed across an age-spotted scalp, and as I parked I could make out the faint glitter of old metal from behind the little toolshed. We used to park our bikes in there. Tanya had “cleaned” it by dragging all the old bikes, from tricycles to discarded ten-speeds, out behind the shed, and leaving them there to rust. “Think of it as found art,” my mother had urged us when Josh complained that the bike pile made us look like trailer trash. I wonder if my father ever drove by, if he knew about my mother and her new situation, if he thought about us at all, or whether he was content to have his three children out there in the world, all grown up, and strangers. "
― Jennifer Weiner , Good in Bed (Cannie Shapiro, #1)
36
" When I took Psychology 101, the professor taught us about random reinforcement. Put three
groups of rats in three separate cages, each equipped with a bar. The first group of rats got a
pellet every time they pressed the bar. The second group never got pellets, no matter how often
they pressed. And the third group got pellets just once in a while.
The first group, the professor said,
eventually gets bored with the guaranteed reward and the rats who never get treats give up, too.
But the random rats will press on that bar forever, hoping each time they press that this time the magic will happen,
that this time they’ll get lucky. It was at that moment in class that I realized that I had become my father’s rat. "
― Jennifer Weiner , Good in Bed (Cannie Shapiro, #1)
37
" Okay, I thought. Here you are. You are here. And you move forward because
that's the way it works; that's the only place u can go. You keep going
until it stops hurting, or until you find new things to hurt you worse, I
guess. And that is the human condition, all of us lurching along in our own private miseries, because that's the way it is. Because, I guess, God didn't give us any choice. You grow up, I remembered Abigail telling me. You learn. "
― Jennifer Weiner , Good in Bed (Cannie Shapiro, #1)
40
" I know that what had happened with my father - his insults, his criticism, the way he made me feel that I was defective and deformed - had hurt me. I'd encountered enough of those self-help articles in women's magazines to know that you don't go through that kind of cruelty unscathed. With every man I met, I'd watch myself carefully.
Did I really like that editor, I'd wonder, or am I just searching for Daddy? Do I love this guy, I'd ask myself, or do I just think he'd never leave me, the way my father did? "
― Jennifer Weiner , Good in Bed (Cannie Shapiro, #1)