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1 " We were strolling along the waterfront, his favourite walk, going nowhere in particular, the postcolonial condition. "
― Abdulrazak Gurnah , Admiring Silence
2 " Life’s like that, clinging futilely to the very objects that imprison us. "
3 " They wanted to glory in grievance, in promises of vengeance, in their past oppression, in their present poverty and in the nobility of their darker skins. "
4 " I'm not perfect. I'm unfulfilled. "
5 " departures. "
6 " I was only rarely called upon to say anything in the open battlefield, although at times Emma looked accusingly at me and made me feel that I might have offered more support had I been of a less spineless constitution "
7 " I thought you’d come back to get married,’ he said with a grin. ‘Not to carry out an archaeological project.’ ‘Cut out that getting married stuff,’ I said, and in this way we smilingly slid past the troublesome moment. "
8 " But I am so afraid of disturbing this fragile silence. "
9 " That is what stories can do, they can push the feeble disorders we live with out of sight. "
10 " Yet I lay in bed that night imagining what it would be like not to feel such an alien in England, to be able to live with someone to whom I could speak casually about things without having to give long explanations, what it would be like not to live in England at all, but here, in a crowd, rather than always being and feeling on the edges of everything. "
11 " they lodge themselves in the infinite corners of recall, and then return in their full regalia in ones and twos and threes, each little bunch stepping forward to corrode the heart with venom again and again. "
12 " I could not help it. I began to sob. For the father I had never known, and for his desperate escapade which had filled everyone else with pain. But mainly I sobbed for myself, for the shambles I had made of my life, for what I had already lost and for what I feared I was still to lose. "
13 " People like Uncle Hashim can say things like that, even if they are true. They can store them for years, hold on to them and let them harden and solidify, until the moment arrives when they can be delivered as they had been intended to, to crush a bone or bruise the heart. "
14 " I like stubborn, wily survivors, and wish I could be one myself. So the next day I walked to his office, to extend my appreciation of his doggedness and to wish him a joyful time of it. "
15 " I knew then (not that I didn’t really know before, but some lessons have to be learned and relearned, and even then we forget them so easily and talk ourselves into something ameliorating and hopeful) that the food-stores were going to remain empty, and that schools would be without books, and the air would be filled with cruel, duplicitous promises, that justice would be just another word brayed from the mouths of the donkeys who rule us, and of course the toilets were going to remain blocked for a long time. "
16 " I don’t think I ever got over those early days, though. Even after all these years I can’t get over the feeling of being alien in England, of being a foreigner. Sometimes I think that what I feel for England is disappointed love. "
17 " As if they were anything more than debilitating stories that turned everything into moments of reprise that disabled and disarmed. "
18 " So I smiled and began to talk in what I hoped was a genial and friendly voice, but as soon as I started I could hear resonances of my teacher tones: informative, seeking to persuade, holding things back. I pressed on. I was a teacher, that was what I was. I was unfulfilled. "