3
" Look, I say. You can't just let your thoughts float around in the ether and hope eventually they'll connect with something. It's absurd.
No, it's not, Gil says. Lots of good things happen that way. Penicillin. Teflon. Smart dust. Something happens that you weren't expecting and it shifts the outcome completely. You have to be open to it.
When I open my brain, I tell him, things bounce around and fall out. They don't connect with anything. Maybe I haven't got enough points of reference stored up yet.
You're young, he says, that's probably it. When I let my thoughts float around, I trust that they'll latch on to something useful in the end or make an association I wouldn't necessarily have predicted. I'm trusting that they'll find the right thought to complete, all by themselves. The right bit of fact to ping. You have to trust your brain sometimes. "
― Meg Rosoff , Picture Me Gone
11
" I would hate to have parents who were always looking over my shoulder, reading my diary, checking my thoughts. I would hate to be exposed. And so, perhaps, when I say I long to be a pane of glass, I am lying. I long for partial obscurity at the same time that I long for someone to know me.
It is confusing and difficult to be me.
Sometimes I I need to cry in order to release the great welling sadness I feel in my head.
For this I need privacy. I do not want anyone to see me and ask why, almost as much as I would like to be comforted.
Somehow, without ever being present, Matthew has exposed all of this, brought it wriggling to the surface like worms. They gather there now, vaguely nostalgic for the dark. "
― Meg Rosoff , Picture Me Gone
12
" And I think, OK. So a dog isn't the most important thing. But a dog like Honey loves one person completely, unwaveringly, with perfect faith. That has to be more important than most things.
And Gabriel, I say. He has Gabriel too.
Gil says nothing but I know the answer. The answer is that Gabriel can't save Matthew any more than Gil can, or Honey. Or Jake. But we are all woven together, like a piece of cloth, and we all support each other, for better or worse. Gabriel is just a baby but eventually he will see the world and his father as they are: imperfect, dangerous, peppered with betrayals and also with love. "
― Meg Rosoff , Picture Me Gone
14
" In theory, I would like to lead a transparent life. I wold like my life to be as clear as a new pane of glass, without anything shameful and no dark shadows. I would like that. But if I am completely honest, I have to acknowledge secrets too painful to even tell myself. There are things I consider in the deep dark of night, secret terrors. Why are they secrets? I could easily tell either of my parents how I feel, but what would they say? Don't worry, darling, we will do our best never to die? We will never ever leave you, never contract cancer or walk in front of a bus or collapse of old age? We will not leave you alone, not ever, to navigate the world and all of its complexities without us? "
― Meg Rosoff , Picture Me Gone
16
" En teoría, me gustaría llevar una vida transparente. Me gustaría que mi vida fuera tan clara como un cristal, sin nada vergonzoso ni sombras oscuras. Eso es lo que me gustaría. Pero si soy completamente honesta, tengo que admitir secretos demasiado dolorosos incluso para contármelos a mí misma. Hay cosas en las que pienso en la profunda oscuridad de la noche, terrores secretos. ¿Por qué son secretos? Podría contarles fácilmente cómo me siento a cualquiera de mis padres, pero ¿qué me dirían? ¿No te preocupes, cariño, haremos todo lo posible para no morirnos nunca? ¿Nunca jamás te abandonaremos, ni tendremos cáncer ni pasaremos por delante de un autobús ni moriremos de viejos? ¿No te dejaremos sola para que recorras este mundo tan complicado sin nosotros?
Me dejarán. Es lo primero que aprendes que hace que dejes de ser un niño. Algún día yo también moriré, pero eso no me asusta ni la mitad que lo de que me dejen sola. Esa es mi oscuridad. Nada ni nadie puede consolarme.
Odiaría tener unos padres que estuvieran siempre vigilándome, leyendo mi diario, controlando lo que pienso. Detestaría estar expuesta. Así que, tal vez, cuando digo que desearía ser un cristal, estoy mintiendo. Deseo que no me conozcan del todo de la misma forma que anhelo que alguien me conozca. "
― Meg Rosoff , Picture Me Gone
