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The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster QUOTES

The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster QUOTES

1 " Disclaimer: While Pastafarianism is the only religion based on empirical evidence, it should also be noted that this is a faith-based book. Attentive readers will note numerous holes and contradictions throughout the text; they will even find blatant lies and exaggerations. These have been placed there to test the reader's faith. "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

2 " Someone has described religious warfare as “killing people over who has the best invisible friend. "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

3 " Today Plato is nearly forgotten. His beliefs include the notion that people who govern should be intelligent, rational, self-controlled, and in love with wisdom, an idea that has long been discredited. "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

4 " We find, counterintuitively, that a small population correlates with shorter humans, and a larger population correlates with taller humans. This only makes sense in light of the FSM theory of gravity. With more people on earth today, there are fewer Noodly Appendages to go around, so we each receive less touching—pushing down toward the earth—and thus, with less force downward, we're taller. "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

5 " College costs money- a lot. Yet education in itself is not of much value. For example, we can look to the general public's almost complete disregard for anything that educated people have to say about global warming, shrinking oil reserves, pollution, or the threat of nuclear annihilation. But if all this is true, why does something as worthless as a college diploma cost so much money? "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

6 " I have never even seen a witch, let alone felt the need to burn one to death. We can conclude, then, that our forefathers, equipped with the knowledge that supernatural explanations were reasonable, rounded up all the witches in existence and took care of them. The other possibility is that there are witches out there, hiding somewhere, plotting their revenge, liberally applying fireproofing compounds to themselves. And someday they may reappear and start causing trouble. "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

7 " QED, bitches. "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

8 " We find, counter-intuitively, that a small population correlates with shorter humans, and a larger population correlates with taller humans.2 This only makes sense in light of the FSM theory of gravity. With more people on earth today, there are fewer Noodly Appendages to go around, so we each receive less touching—pushing down toward the earth—and thus, with less force downward, we’re taller. "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

9 " We are not saying that Evolution can't exist, only that it is guided by His Noodly Appendage. "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

10 " To support this thesis, scientists tell us that we share 95 percent of our DNA with chimpanzees, and yet we share 99.9 percent of our DNA with Pirates.6I ask you, who is the more likely common ancestor? "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

11 " I’ll close on the platypus by stating an alternative theory that I’ve come up with: the Flying Spaghetti Monster made the platypus because, unlike scientists, He has a sense of humor. It’s an unlikely sign from God—and until someone can prove me wrong, that’s my theory. "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

12 " As much as people like to get visited at home by strangers who tell them they’re most likely going to Hell, we prefer less intrusive means of missionary work. Our ways are subtle. "

― , The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster