4
" Parents who can feel, who are conscious of their feelings and realize that uncontrolled anger, though it may be triggered by the child, usually has little to do with it, are less in danger of acting out their rage in the guise of pedagogy. I use the words "guilt" and "victim," rather than "causes" and "effects," as I am often politely urged to do, advisedly. Children are turned into victims by people, by their parents, not by some kind of automaton. These people have no right to behave as though they were merely destructive automatons and adhere to their ignorance, even though conventional wisdom and even moral and religious teachings confirm them in their actions by preaching forgiveness to their victims. One day the effects of such opinions will be seen in all their destructiveness. "
― Alice Miller , Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth
5
" Adolescents who have been beaten regard what they have experienced in their own upbringing as normal and as a matter of course. They think that what they have been taught—namely, that children need to be beaten—is right. And they don't question these views, because as children who have been physically intimidated, they are afraid to call their parents into question. As a result, they adopt the destructive and ignorant views of their elders. They don't know that there are people who love their children and would never use violence against them, and that such children do not grow up to be criminals or tyrants but happier, more conscious human beings who help others and would never wish to harm them. That is also true of people who, though they were damaged in childhood, have been able to resolve the blinding results of these injuries and can, therefore, categorically condemn such destructive behavior toward children. "
― Alice Miller , Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth
6
" To sign away our democratic rights to future tyrants and dictators, because they cast themselves in the role of "strong fathers," thus reminding us of our own, is tantamount to committing collective suicide. Even if we have, since childhood, been waiting for the great, redeeming figure who will solve all our problems, as adults we can be aware that such a redeemer will, in reality, turn out to be something quite different. For it is more than likely that people who completely repress and falsify the mistreatment they once received will be a danger to others, a danger that increases the greater power they hold. This can be clearly illustrated by the lives of Hitler, Stalin, and countless of their followers. Among them will not be found a single person who became a tormentor of others who did not approve of the abuse he himself once received. "
― Alice Miller , Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth
12
" The mistreatment of children is the basest, meanest crime human beings can commit against their fellow human beings and against humanity in general, because it insidiously deforms the personalities of the generations to come. As soon as someone mentions it, it will be denied. "You don't mean to blame your parents, do you?" will be asked in threatening tones. "Of course I do, if they commit crimes," I would reply. Why should parents have carte blanche to commit whatever crimes they see fit? No one is forbidding them to get angry or have feelings. Of course, they can have those. But they are not allowed to take their feelings out on their children. Destructive actions, unlike feelings, should be explicitly and publicly forbidden. "
― Alice Miller , Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth
13
" Me rakennamme ympärillemme korkeita muureja, joilla suojelemme itseämme tuskallisilta tosiasioilta, koska emme ole oppineet elämään niistä tietoisina. >>Miksi meidän muka pitäisi?>> Joku ehkä kysyy. >>Menneet ovat menneitä. Miksi niitä pitäisi pohtia?>> Vastaus on monitahoinen.
Meitä lapsuuden historialta suojelevan muurin takana seisoo nimittäin edelleen se hyljeksitty lapsi, joka me olimme ja joka kauan sitten hylättiin ja petettiin. Hän toivoo meiltä suojaa, ymmärtämystä ja vapautusta eristyneisyydestään, yksinäisyydestään ja sanattomuudestaan. Tuo lapsi on jo kauan kaivannut meiltä ymmärrystä, kunnioitusta ja kiintymystä. Hänellä ei kuitenkaan ole pelkästään tarpeita, jotka meidän tulisi tyydyttää. Hän tarjoaa meille myös lahjaa, jota ilman me emme voi elää täydesti, jota emme voi ostaa emmekä hankkia mistään muualta kuin häneltä, tältä itsessämme olevalta lapselta. Se lahja on totuus, joka vapauttaa tuhoisien käsitysten ja vakiintuneiden valheiden vankilasta, ja lopulta myös turvallisuus, jonka uudestaan saavutettu eheys suo. Lapsi odottaa vain, että me suostuisimme lähestymään häntä ja purkamaan muurit hänen avullaan.
Sitä eivät monet ihmiset tiedä. "
― Alice Miller , Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth
17
" Then it will finally be visible to the great majority of people that a human being comes into the world as a highly sensitive creature, and that, from the first day of its life, it learns the nature of good and evil—learning faster, and more effectively, than it ever will again. Only then will we realize with horror, what these tiny, immensely sensitive creatures did learn, and learn indelibly, as they were treated like so much inert matter that their parents—or forefathers—sought to mold into malleable objects. Hammering at this creature as they would at a piece of metal, they finally got the obedient robot they wanted. In the process, they fashioned tyrants and criminals. "
― Alice Miller , Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth
18
" How, people often say, can parents be forbidden to feel anger? Unfortunately, what gets overlooked in such "arguments" is that there is a great difference between feelings, which kill no one, and actions, which can. Of course, parents must be able to feel and express their feelings. What they can on no account be permitted to do is beat their children with impunity, to hit them or humiliate them in other ways. Such behavior can be injurious to any growing organism, cause lifelong damage, and should be seen for what it is: a crime. "
― Alice Miller , Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth
