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Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek QUOTES

Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek QUOTES

1 " Nerd. Geek. Used to be if you self-identified that way, you'd get thrown into a locker and never have sex. Or worse, whatever that is. But to me and more and more people I know, being a nerd or a geek means having passion, power, intelligence. Being a nerd just means there is something in the world that you care deeply about—be it twelve-sided dice, a favorite sports team, your new laptop or Night Rider. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

2 " The word "geek" today does not mean what it used to mean. A geek isn't the skinny kid with a pocket protector and acne. There can be computer geeks, video game geeks, car geeks, military geeks, and sports geeks. Being a geek just means that you're passionate about something. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

3 " The film is an iconic pop-culture creation and touches a bazillion filmgoers to their very core. It can also be very useful. Useful? What the hell am I talking about? Glad you asked. What I mean is the way that George Lucas's masterpiece contains lessons that can and should be applied to real life. The one that jumps out at me is the message of The Force and how if you stay pure and good and mentally sharp you can, in fact, conquer the Dark Side. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

4 " Listen to Your Lover (Or Babe, Sweetie Cakes, Hot Rod, Honey, Dancing Queen, Dairy Queen, etc.)
If she tells you she likes it when you bite her neck—do it! It doesn’t matter where she learned that she likes it or why she does, just be thankful you got the tip. Girls don’t always express what they want, so when she does say it, you really want to make sure you are paying attention. Also, learn her language (unless it is Mandarin, because that shit is impossible). If you start pulling her hair and she starts moaning, that’s her way of saying, “Ohmygod, please do this more, and by more I mean all the time.” And the more you please her, the more she’ll want to do it with you. It’s a win-win! "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

5 " We were typical, happy thirteen-year-olds who were going out - which meant we never talked or really acknowledged one another. It was wonderful. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

6 " Vaginas are, after all, like snowflakes, only warmer and softer, and bleed like a gaping wound monthly…wait, what was I saying? Oh, right, vaginas are like snowflakes in that each one is different. So that fancy two-finger swirl trick that worked wonders on your last girlfriend? Yeah, no guarantee it’ll work the same way on the new one. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

7 " But let me just say that talking dirty is so important in sex. And it’s pretty easy. To wit: establish from the very beginning that you like this. And trust me, you want to do it early on. Because if you wait too long to introduce the concept, your Special Lady Friend will be a little thrown and might not take you seriously. Think of it as a hat. If you never, ever wear a hat and one day you try to rock a fedora with a feather, all of your friends will be like, “Dude—why are you wearing a fucking fedora with a fucking feather?” You’ll feel insecure and never wear it again. Now imagine that scenario, but in bed with your hardened dick out and it’s your girlfriend saying, “Dude—why the fuck are you talking like that?” Not good. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

8 " In an odd way it was comforting to know that people you imagine are oversexed, misogynistic pigs are, in fact, oversexed, misogynistic pigs. It made me realize that sometimes people are exactly who you expect them to be. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

9 " And do it before you get with a girl you really want to settle down with. Because—trust me on this one—it’s very, very hard to find a girl that you’d want to take home to Mom, have a meaningful relationship with and possibly bear your children, who will also finger-bang another girl while you do her doggy-style. Get it done. Get it out of the way. If you don’t do it, you will regret it and never move past it. You will be the new virgin. And no one wants that, especially your girlfriend. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

10 " After a few years of moving to new schools I stopped being afraid to be lonely. It took me a while but I finally realized that there would always be geeks. And geeks aren’t concerned with being popular or making sure they’re voted homecoming princess because their whole life they’ve been on the outside. And let me tell you, once you’ve been on the outside, you find out that it’s actually pretty awesome out there. It’s much easier to be yourself when nobody is watching…or better yet, you don’t care if anybody is watching. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

11 " I mean, really, can someone answer this for me: Why are all female superheroes packed into spandex and hot shorts? Okay, of course I know the answer. I know why they’re all scantily clad. It’s because men draw them and if there is one thing men love it’s boobs! And legs! And boobs! But really what they love is boobs. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

12 " Lessons can be learned from each and every movie in the series. Like take this lasting and most important lesson from Return of the Jedi: If you ever have the option, always, always wear a gold bikini. Trust me, I know, I’ve done it once or twice. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

13 " I will fix America’s obesity problems by taking all motorized transport away from fat people. In turn, I will build an infrastructure of Fat Tunnels, where all the fat people can walk. This will create jobs and subsequent weight loss. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

14 " Everyone is now required to adopt one Asian baby. Even Asians. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

15 " It’s sooooo annoying when girls think that guys should have to pay for everything. That mentality is ridiculous and ancient. Any female who’s worth having around, will offer to pay her portion—and maybe even the whole bill. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

16 " How many of you have had a crush on a teacher? I mean, remember that Physics professor? Law One is so steamy, I'm getting worked up just thinking about it: Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it. Mee-yow. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek

17 " There are two types of Asians. The ones who are quiet, polite, organized and laugh with their hand over their mouths. And then there are the other Asians—the really loud, insane messy ones who hit their kids and yell even when they’re just talking about the weather. My family is comprised of loud-ass Asians. "

― , Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek