Home > Work > Into This River I Drown
21 " He frowns. “How else am I supposed to be? If there’s one thing I’ve learned about human nature, is that it is imperative to be who you are. "
― T.J. Klune , Into This River I Drown
22 " I have so much to say, so of course I say nothing. "
23 " I wonder how long he’s been at this, wonder what this has done to his belief, his faith. Does he think this is a reward for his service? Does he see this as proof of his faith? Or has this shattered every notion he’s ever had about the way the world works? To say you have faith is one thing; to see evidence of it with your own eyes is something else entirely. "
24 " Things have changed, oh yes. Make no mistake about that. But that’s the funny thing about grief and anger combined; even while buried in newfound happiness, it claws and it whispers. It begs. It howls. It screams. It doesn’t let go. And it demands retribution. "
25 " if there is one thing a small town always has, it’s secrets. "
26 " 'I wish someone had told you that you're a terrible liar so I wouldn't have to be the first one. I feel bad now.' "
27 " Time is a river, I've learned. Always moving forward. But for people like me, people who have loved and lost, the river is something we fight. We swim against the current, trying to get back to the way we once were, trying to hold onto anything to keep us from getting swept away. It's exhausting and eventually we tire. Still we push on. "
28 " Sometimes I float along the riverFor its surface I am boundAnd there are times stones done fill my pocketsAnd it's into this river I drown "
29 " I asked him once why he wanted to see the sun rise every morning, what it was that caused him to be out here at the crack of dawn every day.He watched me for a moment before looking back at the horizon. “Its beauty,” he said. “It reminds me every day that there is beauty in the world. That even though it may feel like we are alone sometimes, we are never truly alone. "
30 " Everyone grieves differently. No one handles the loss of a loved one the same. Some put on a brave face for others, keeping everything internal. Others let it all out at once and shatter, only to pick up the pieces just as quickly as they came apart. Still others don't grieve at all, implying they are incapable of emotion. Then there are the ones like me, where grief is a badge we wear, where it's hard to let go because we don't want to. We probably wouldn't know how even is we wanted to. There's unanswered questions, unresolved feelings. Tere is anger that this person could even conceive of leaving us behind. We are the furious ones, the ones that scream at the injustice and the pain. We are the ones who obsess and slowly lose rational thought, knowing it is happening but unable to find a way to care. We are the ones who drown. "
31 " Had I known then what I know now, I would have clung to him. I would have looked him in the eyes to see that spark of mischief, that undying intelligence that belied his gruff exterior. If I'd known the inevitable, I would have said everything I felt in my heart and soul. I would have told him thank you for being my father. I would have said that if I'm ever going to be a good man, it's going to be because of the way he'd raised me... ...I would have told him I loved him. But I didn't. I didn't because I didn't know. I didn't even say goodnight. Or goodbye. "
32 " I was reading on the computer that you have to keep your man interested, so it's always good to make sure he knows others are." I frown at him. "Angels are not allowed to go on the Internet." He winces. "Probably a good idea. That place has so much porn." I don't want to know. Okay, I do... ...Cal kisses me gently before walking out of our room. "Sure thing," he calls over his shoulder. "I did learn some things on the Intenet that I want to try on you. It's not all bad." I stare after him as his laughter floats back to me. "
33 " He shakes his head miserably. “If only I’d gotten here sooner….”“You got here in plenty of time,” I say with a snort. “We’re okay.”“But the truck!” he says as he turns back to us. “It was so cherry. "
34 " Michael doesn't flinch. 'You can't know,' he says quietly, 'how much you truly love something until it's gone.' 'That's not fair,' I say as I tremble. 'No one said it would be. He tests you, Benji, and he tests Calliel for a supremely simple reason. You are tested because if you aren't, how could you know what you believe in?' "
35 " Promises were made.”“Not to me,” I remind her.“Not out loud,” she counters. She moves to stand in front of me. I try to look away, but she doesn’t let me. “Not here,” she says, touching my lips. “But here.” She touches my head. “And here.” She touches my chest. “Sometimes it’s the promises we don’t say that are the ones that are the loudest. "
36 " Time is a river, I’ve learned. Always moving forward. But for people like me, people who have loved and lost, the river is something we fight. We swim against the current, trying to get back to the way we once were, trying to hold onto anything to keep us from getting swept away. "