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Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life QUOTES

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life QUOTES

1 " All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

2 " We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

3 " Anger is a result of life-alienating thinking that is disconnected from needs. It indicates that we have moved up to our head to analyze and judge somebody rather than focus on what we are needing and not getting. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

4 " What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

5 " At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

6 " We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

7 " My theory is that we get depressed because we’re not getting what we want, and we’re not getting what we want because we have never been taught to get what we want. Instead, we’ve been taught to be good little boys and girls and good mothers and fathers. If we’re going to be one of those good things, better get used to being depressed. Depression is the reward we get for being “good.” But, if you want to feel better, I’d like you to clarify what you would like people to do to make life more wonderful for you. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

8 " peace cannot be built on the foundations of fear. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

9 " As we’ve seen, all criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message. The more we practice in this way, the more we realize a simple truth: behind all those messages we’ve allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being. When we receive messages with this awareness, we never feel dehumanized by what others have to say to us. We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

10 " Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

11 " When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

12 " Two Questions That Reveal the Limitations of Punishment

Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment to change people’s behavior.
The first question is: What do I want this person to do that’s different from what he or she is currently doing?
If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective, because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence someone’s behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn’t likely to work: What do I want this person’s reasons to be for doing what I’m asking? "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

13 " In this stage, which I refer to as emotional slavery, we believe ourselves responsible for the feelings of others. We think we must constantly strive to keep everyone happy. If they don’t appear happy, we feel responsible and compelled to do something about it. This can easily lead us to see the very people who are closest to us as burdens. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

14 " Advising: “I think you should … “ “How come you didn’t … ?” One-upping: “That’s nothing; wait’ll you hear what happened to me.” Educating: “This could turn into a very positive experience for you if you just … “ Consoling: “It wasn’t your fault; you did the best you could.” Story-telling: “That reminds me of the time … “ Shutting down: “Cheer up. Don’t feel so bad.” Sympathizing: “Oh, you poor thing … “ Interrogating: “When did this begin?” Explaining: “I would have called but … “ Correcting: “That’s not how it happened. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

15 " Perhaps you are surprised that I regard praise and compliments to be life-alienating. Notice, however, that appreciation expressed in this form reveals little of what’s going on in the speaker; it establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment. I define judgments—both positive and negative—as life-alienating communication. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

16 " the more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are a victim of resentment, depression, and despair. Gratitude will act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard shell of your ego—your need to possess and control—and transform you into a generous being. The sense of gratitude produces true spiritual alchemy, makes us magnanimous—large souled. —Sam Keen, philosopher "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

17 " focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

18 " What some of us call lazy some call tired or easy-going, what some of us call stupid some just call a different knowing, so I’ve come to the conclusion, it will save us all confusion if we don’t mix up what we can see with what is our opinion. Because you may, I want to say also; I know that’s only my opinion. —Ruth Bebermeyer "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

19 " I am not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does. And that was the real import of this morning: not that a disgruntled young Gestapo officer yelled at me, but that I felt no indignation, rather a real compassion, "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

20 " Let’s shine the light of consciousness on places where we can hope to find what we are seeking. "

― Marshall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life