Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15) QUOTES

2 " If she ever turned into a werewolf, it would be one of those jolly breezy werewolves whom it is a pleasure to know. "

― P.G. Wodehouse , Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15)

4 " a chap after the horses.’ He had found the right "

― P.G. Wodehouse , Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15)

6 " I eluded them, therefore, with no great expenditure of physical effort, but I would be deceiving my public if I said that I was enjoying the episode. It offends one's pride when one has to leap like a lamb in Springtime at the bidding of an elderly little Gawd-help-us with whom it is impossible to reason. "

― P.G. Wodehouse , Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15)

8 " I had forgotten you were a bird-watcher till you reminded me just now. You went in for it at Oxford, I remember. It isn’t a thing I would care to do myself. Not,” I hastened to add, “that I’ve anything against bird-watching. Must be most interesting, besides keeping you” – I was about to say “out of the public houses” but thought it better to change it to “out in the open air”.
“What’s the procedure?” I went on. “I suppose you lurk in a bush till a bird comes along, and then you out with the glasses and watch it. "

― P.G. Wodehouse , Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15)

10 " Lord Chesterfield said that since he had had the full use of his reason nobody had heard him laugh. I don't suppose you have read Lord Chesterfield's 'Letters To His Son'?
...Well, of course I hadn't. Bertram Wooster does not read other people's letters. If I were employed in the post office I wouldn't even read the postcards. "

― P.G. Wodehouse , Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15)

12 " He was a red-headed chap, and my experience of the red-headed is that you can always expect high blood pressure from them in times of stress. The first Queen Elizabeth had red hair, and look what she did to Mary Queen of Scots. "

― P.G. Wodehouse , Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15)

14 " the first thing a doctor does when you tell him you are going to a house where there’s a French cook is to put you on a diet. "

― P.G. Wodehouse , Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15)

16 " I felt like Doctor Watson hearing Sherlock Holmes talking about the one hundred and forty-seven varieties of tobacco ash and the time it takes parsley to settle in the butter dish. "

― P.G. Wodehouse , Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15)

18 " My attention was drawn to the spots on my chest when I was in the bath, singing, if I remember rightly, the Toreador song from the opera "Carmen. "

― P.G. Wodehouse , Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15)

20 " I'm in sore straits, Jeeves.'

'I am sorry to hear that, sir.'

'You'll be sorrier when I explain further. Have you ever seen a garrison besieged by howling savages, with their ammunition down to the last box of cartridges, the water supply giving our and the United States Marines nowhere in sight?'

'Not to my recollection, sir.'

'Well, my position is roughly that of such a garrison, except that compared with me they're sitting pretty. Compared with me they haven't a thing to worry about.'

'You fill me with alarm, sir.'

'I bet I do, and I haven't even started yet. I will begin by saying that Miss Cook, to whom I'm engaged, is a lady for whom I have the utmost esteem and respect, but on certain matters we do not... what's the expression?'

'See eye to eye, sir?'

'That's right. And unfortunately those matters are the what-d'you-call-it of my whole policy. What is it that policies have?'

'I think the word for which you are groping, sir, may possibly be cornerstone.'

'Thank you, Jeeves. She disapproves of a variety of things which are the cornerstone of my policy. Marriage with her must inevitably mean that I shall have to cast them from my life, for she has a will of iron and will have no difficulty in making her husband jump through hoops and snap sugar off his nose. You get what I mean?'

'I do, sir. A very colourful image.'

'Cocktails, for instance, will be barred. She says they are bad for the liver. Have you noticed, by the way, how frightfully lax everything's getting now? In Queen Victoria's day a girl would never have dreamed of mentioning livers in mixed company.'

'Very true, sir. Tempora mutanter, nos et mutamur in illis.'

'That, however, is not the worst.'

'You horrify me, sir.'

'At a pinch I could do without cocktails. It would be agony, but we Woosters can rough it. But she says I must give up smoking.'

'This was indeed the most unkindest cut of all, sir.'

'Give up smoking, Jeeves!'

'Yes, sir. You will notice that I am shuddering. "

― P.G. Wodehouse , Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (Jeeves, #15)