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Holidays with Bigfoot QUOTES

Holidays with Bigfoot QUOTES

1 " Every year my feet touch its murky water, my soul feels cleaner. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

2 " I prefer lakes, streams, and ponds to the sea. My people left the oceans for a reason and have since preferred their salt from shakers rather than brine. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

3 " More so than any child I have met, Bear straddled the line of eating nothing and eating everything. He piled a plate with whatever was available, ate three tactical bites to discourage stealing, and ran off to do anything else. When questioned, he would swear he was coming back to finish off the warm macaroni salad and cold hamburger, but he never did. The world was too full of gleeful abandon to pay mind to calories. When his food, now spoiled, ended up in the garbage, he would growl at the rank unfairness of his starvation. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

4 " Portland could have been any city. Port Clyde was too uncluttered to be anything else. There is a reason Stephen King sets his stories in little Maine towns. They are too quiet to be believed wholly savory. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

5 " We will be old and gray before ten Maine minutes go by. Mainers invented tantric sex when they had a quickie. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

6 " A moose can and will murder the unwary in ways obvious to improbable. They can trample you, the pressure of tons of muscle and bone turning your own into jelly. Their antlers pose an understandable risk not merely of goring at thirty-five miles an hour but picking up your limp body and tossing it over a cliff. As though this was an insufficient threat, their nostrils may house bumblebee-like Cephenemyia ulrichii, flies unable to distinguish between moose nasal cavities and human eye sockets when spraying their larvae. You wouldn’t die, but you would need immediate medical attention to prevent significant injury and certain embarrassment when your friends found out. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

7 " It is said—not exclusively by people with eating disorders—that food is a drug. Who doesn't feel better when given chocolate at the end of a miserable day? To your brain, real chocolate mimics love. (For all its miracle, the brain subsists on illusions as much as it does much of the fat you eat. Chocolate supplies both.) "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

8 " Children assume that monsters dwell in closets. Pubescent literati know it is the gateway to magic lands. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

9 " Las Vegas was as real to me as Neverland, opulence built in the Mojave Desert by mobsters for sins I could not bring myself to commit. What business did I have in disgracing its doorstep? "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

10 " There is something to the air here that leads one to compulsive napping. All these trees excrete dangerous levels of oxygen that one can only process in sleep. They have learned that we make better fertilizer for them unconscious. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

11 " Mothers represent a genetic destiny for their daughters. In time, the daughters fill the style of shoes their mothers once wore and maybe find them not as constricting as they had imagined. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

12 " While it is easy to say why one doesn't like a work of art, the sublime lacks explicability. One can talk about influences, brushwork, styles, but the real beauty of it comes from a place outside description. This was, in part, why the performance grated on me. They were talking too much for me to focus on what I'm not able to articulate. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

13 " Modern civilization owes its existence to beer. Hunter-gatherers individually lacked the time and resources to create a raspberry pilsner, so our nomadic ancestors were seduced into an agrarian lifestyle that might someday evolve into local microbrews. I am not sure if teetotalers minded the goats while others were busy getting plastered or if they were cast out of the tribe for being dull. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

14 " Even then, even though hippies were unaware, Peace, Love, and Music was a brand, preying on our nostalgia for an experience few who worship it ever had. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

15 " The hippies became another corporate avatar, another mascot selling sugary cereal instead of free love. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

16 " Lobster has an aroma that is not in itself that appealing, more so than most other breeds of seafood. Yet, the lean protein of lobster is always joined by the lurid fats of melted butter, improving the texture and taste of most things, as well as increasing waist and decreasing arteriole width. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

17 " Every surface encouraged the viewer to call and order a prostitute for fewer than fifty dollars. This did seem like a deal, but I did not know the going rate for a sex worker in this economy. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

18 " The heat of Vegas desiccates the unwary, its dryness sapping moisture from one’s mouth and eyes. Sweat evaporates too quickly to cool, its only evidence dusting of salt on one’s shirt. Las Vegas claims they are the sunniest, least humid state in the Union, which is boast-worthy to those not turning to tourist jerky. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

19 " On long car trips as a passenger, I lose my humanity exit by exit. When I drive, I am in control and have something on which I can focus: not killing myself or other drivers. As a passenger, I am made useless and impatient, aside from finding radio stations and playing “I Spy. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot

20 " For the canny traveler, the map is dotted with tourist traps that were once something sincere, something worthy of reverence that gave way to branded merchandise. We follow the billboards that are as accurate as those guiding us to the Corn Palace or the World’s Largest Ball of Twine, kick at the dirt a bit, watch an overinflated PowerPoint or squint at a dusty artifact, peek at the gift shop, and go home with less money but nothing in value gained. These sites are mental stamps that one was in a place where something had once mattered, but the veil between Then and Now is thick and impermeable. "

― Thomm Quackenbush , Holidays with Bigfoot