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Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland QUOTES

Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland QUOTES

1 " If a Greek woman tells you to do something, you do it. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

2 " Call me a proud American, if you want, but I truly believe that no other nation on Earth possesses the capabilities to put on a more powerful display of underwater mermaid patriotism. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

3 " Natives of the Florida Keys often refer to themselves as Conchs, and for good reason: They have been drinking. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

4 " He could be a testosterone donor. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

5 " Under Florida's "stand your ground" law, it is legal to shoot anybody for any reason as long as you are standing on the ground. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

6 " Yes, but in this case, the fatality was a shark. The tractor-trailer was carrying four sharks from the Florida Keys to an aquarium in Coney Island in New York City and one of the sharks was ejected during the crash. Fortunately, it didn’t hit anybody, but the fact remains that there was, briefly, an airborne shark on Interstate 95, and it could have hit a car, which would have been tragic, by which I mean pretty funny. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

7 " To begin with, sponges are not plants. They are multi-celled animals, although they have no mouths, internal organs, brains or nervous systems. They cannot move, but they can reproduce, eat, grow and obtain Florida driver's licenses. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

8 " Florida has become The Joke State, the state everybody makes fun of. If states were characters on Seinfeld, Florida would be Kramer: Every time it appears, the audience automatically laughs, knowing it’s going to do some idiot thing. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

9 " Or they laughed at Indiana, because the people there proudly call themselves Hoosiers even though they have no idea what Hoosier means. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

10 " On the one hand, the national consensus is that Florida is a stupid weird insane dysfunctional hellhole that is also—I forgot to mention this earlier—a hurricane zone that is soon going to be largely submerged when global climate change causes the seas to rise to the point where vast herds of lobsters roam what is now Interstate 95. On the other hand, people keep coming here. And most of them—even the non-stupid ones—decide to stay here. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

11 " Fort Lauderdale is sometimes called The Venice of America by people who clearly have never been to Venice. "

― Dave Barry , Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland