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41 " When I look back, it’s not those misdeeds that I regret—I’d do them again, I tells ya—but the times when I conformed. I regret that I didn’t realize that actually they’ve got no power over you at school—it’s all just a trick to indoctrinate you into being a conditioned, tame, placid citizen. Rebel, children, I urge you, fight the turgid slick of conformity with which they seek to smother your glory. As "
― Russell Brand , My Booky Wook
42 " he taught me that you can get what you want if you refuse to let circumstances defeat you, and perhaps there is no more valuable lesson. "
43 " In a worrying template for later sexual activity, my first and second kisses occurred within seconds of each other, with different girls. "
44 " Being on that stage was the headiest intoxicant I’d yet sampled. I loved it so much that from that moment on I thought, “I’m doing this now, I’ll do whatever it takes.” I’d had my head filled with my dad’s motivation tapes: “You can do whatever you want. Focus on what your goal is, refuse to fail.” I "
45 " Not without good reason do the French describe an orgasm as a “little death.” That’s exactly what it is for me (in a good way though, obviously)—a little moment away, a holiday from my head. "
46 " Eventually, the bus appeared on the distant horizon, and one of the women, with the relief and disbelief that often accompanies the arrival of public transport said, “Oh look, the bus is coming.” The other woman—a wise woman, seemingly aware that her words and attitude were potent and poetic enough to form the final sentence in a stranger’s book—paused, then said, “The bus was always coming. "
47 " I was already a weary connoisseur of my dad’s pornography and had begun to develop my almost supernatural ability for guessing women’s bra sizes. "
48 " From the minute I clattered—belatedly—into puberty, I was on a spree of hopeless, doomed romances. "
49 " There’s a theme that runs throughout my childhood of adults taking me to one side to utter these unbelievable things. "
50 " I felt that I was finally in alignment: that at last I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. "
51 " The insatiable thirst for everything which lies beyond, and which life reveals, is the most living proof of our immortality” Charles Baudelaire "
52 " I love it when I meet a woman and her sexuality is dancing across her face, so it’s apparent that all we need to do is nod and find a cupboard.† "
53 " Long live the Queen, God Bless America. Ta "
54 " My main problem was that I'd started to allow my capacity for self-flagellation and destructiveness to dictate what happened to me onstage. When it comes to your career, you must always try and allow the positive aspects of your character to dictate what happens to you. Be led by your talent, not by your self-loathing; those other things you just have to manage. "
55 " It was unfamiliar to me—girls being flirtatious—and initially I was frightened. "
56 " I presume that feeling ostracized and alienated from them, even within my own home growing up, encoded within me a deep sense of alienation. That’s why in any group dynamic my identity will always be defined as an outsider rather than from within. This is also the reason why stand-up comedy is the perfect career for me. Not just because I’m constantly scribbling notes inside my own mind to deal with the embarrassment I perpetually feel, but also because I’m always observing, always outside. It’s a perfectly natural dynamic for me to stand alone in front of thousands of people and tell ‘em how I feel. "
57 " it’s Christmas o’clock. Smile everyone!” For me happiness occurs arbitrarily: a moment of eye contact on a bus, where all at once you fall in love; or a frozen second in a park where it’s enough that there are trees in the world. "
58 " (People do this a lot. They don’t seem to realize that the future is just like now, but in a little while, so they say they’re going to do things in anticipation of some kind of seismic shift in their worldview that never actually materializes. But everything’s not going to be made of leather, the world won’t stink of sherbet. Tomorrow is not some mythical kingdom where you’ll grow butterfly wings and be able to talk to the animals—you’ll basically feel pretty much the same way you do at the moment.) "
59 " Fortunately, both for you and me, I grew up to become a comedian and will make it as jolly as possible. In the words of Morrissey—“I can smile about it now, but at the time it was terrible.” I "
60 " How ghastly it was—looking at Barney’s pointless corpse thinking, “Fuck! She’s dead. "