Home > Work > How to Be Black

How to Be Black QUOTES

How to Be Black QUOTES

1 " I advise you to be suspicious of any black American whose family does not claim a blood connection to Native Americans. That’s a clear sign of a racial infiltrator who has not done enough research. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

2 " Depending on your own background and life experiences, this may or may not be new to you, but after an eight-to-twelve-hour day, white office workers often don't feel like they've spent enough time with each other. Therefore, they are prone to organizing pseudo-official company activities such as bowling or happy hour. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

3 " If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of being black-friendless, you can either go to the nearest black church and strike up a conversation, or just fire up Facebook, search for “black people,” and start clicking “Add Friend” on the names in the resulting lists. Technology is amazing and quite a time-saver. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

4 " There's no perk in being closed-minded as a minority. It's never, ever, ever going to help you, ever. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

5 " If there are segregated plates of fruit, I suggest a four-to-one ratio of non-watermelon to watermelon. Look, they know you want it. YOU know you want it. So if you conspicuously avoid it, that's an admission right there: guilt by omission. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

6 " All other beer is ass, and I will not put in the the work to acquire the taste for things that taste like ass. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

7 " We do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

8 " Throughout this book I will use the terms African-American, black, and Negro interchangeably. There is rarely a logic to it, so please try not to overthink it. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

9 " For example, when the two of you are in the coffee room, she might say to you, “Hey, we should just take all these white people’s shit and burn it.” But then she laughs, and you laugh, and another coworker enters the room, asking, “What’s so funny?” and without missing a beat you both say, “Tina Fey! "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

10 " People will be less likely to engage you in office small talk of any kind, but that’s likely a benefit when you consider the fact that every ten minutes of office small talk takes one year off of your life. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

11 " The Black Friend can prevent misunderstandings from escalating into an all-out conflagration, and all black people benefit from these quiet acts of diplomacy, not just those who serve as Black Friends. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

12 " In 2007 the NAACP held a symbolic funeral for the word “nigger.” I don’t think this has led to any reduced usage of the word, but the idea inspired me. Since then, I’ve wanted to hold an actually meaningful ceremony making the destruction of racism the official responsibility of white people. It would be like passing off the Olympic torch. You could literally have a black person holding a flaming baton whose dancing flames spell RACISM, and he or she would hand it to a white person, and then it would be their problem. We could stream it on the Internet! "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

13 " Oh, I’m following President Obama on Twitter. I like my black history in 140 characters or less. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

14 " I’ve recently come to the conclusion: I think that all people who are fighting for oppressed people should only be allowed to work for the group that’s one over from them. Black people should only be allowed to work for the Mexican immigrants’ struggle in America. Mexican immigrants should only be allowed to work for gay marriage. Gay marriage should only be allowed to work for black people. I feel like if we all just stepped one group over, I think we would get things done a lot quicker. You can’t end racism and make sexism worse. You can’t end racism and make homophobia worse. You have to put it all forward . . . So a big part of my how-to-be-black is actually trying to be inclusive of all the struggles. Slow clap. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

15 " As I've reflected back on both, I realize that my neighborhood was just like The Wire. We had the drug dealing, the police brutality, the murders. Well, it was /almost/ a perfect match. We had everything The Wire had except for universal critical acclaim and the undying love of white people who saw it. "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black

16 " racial "

― Baratunde R. Thurston , How to Be Black