Shorts QUOTES

1 " Science n’ Shit in a Hip-Hop Style with Stephen Hawking

(Kick-snare, kick-kick snare).

‘Let me tell you my plan for the human race, well I would but I can’t,
‘Cos I can’t move me face,
So my computerised voice is how I’ll go,
I type with me eye to keep the flow
We’re all gonna go live in outer space
Where zero gravity will stop me dribbling all over the place
I’ll tell y’all how I’ll get there:
With some rockets built into me special wheel chair
The moons of Jupiter, in perfect animation
We’ll all live in a huge space station
I’ll be able to dance and chase all the fanny
And finally get me end away with me nanny.’

Science n’ Shit in a Hip-Hop Style with Stephen Hawking II

‘From the moons of Ganymede, Io & Titan,
I’ll tell y’all somethin’ that’s sure to enlighten
In space, there are galaxies nebula & stars
And dying suns that are going super no-va
But no anomalies can compare,
To how much I wanna run my fingers through your hair
Sir Patrick Moore, a true space oracle,
With your knowledge of cheats and gorgeous monocle
I’m coming out as gay, and I don’t give a hoot
I’m the first fuckin’ vegetable that turned into a fruit
Word. "

― , Shorts

3 " Why I Like Being Baldy

• Never have to pay for a haircut
• No need for styling
• The birds love it
• You can get together with a fellow baldy and pretend to be a pair of tits
• You can pretend to be Ming the Merciless, Emperor of the Galaxy, with more conviction than people with hair
• It makes you look hard
• Richard O’Brien
• You can draw a line down the middle of your head and pretend to be a cock
• A hat will always fit
• No dickies
• Save money on Shampoo
• Time saver should you wish to become ordained into an order of Buddhist monks

Why I Don’t Like Being Baldy

• Can never make a balloon static to entertain a child
• Might get mistaken for Ross Kemp
• Lack of hair "

― , Shorts